Ten Ways How Not to Get the Girl of Your Dreams
by Mutt N. Feathers
Summary: Sirius figured out that he was in love with Anwen in October, 1978 but it took until April, 1979 for them to really get together. What exactly happened in those six months? A lost time period from "Bound".
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Okay folks, here it is, the missing time from "Bound". I will be posting this story in ten parts in ten days. Yes, the last chapter of this fluffy, yet at points angsty, romance. It's rated T for Sirius' penchant for swear words and for discussions of things that have happened in the past. The seed for this story came from a reviewer who asked why it took so long for Sirius to do anything about his feelings for Anwen, here's the reason. Deep thanks to my beta, Arnel, who has lived with my strange capitalization issues as of late and who has also been betaing her butt off so that the chapters are ready for posting. I hope you enjoy and please, let me know what you think. Mutt**

**Ten Ways How Not To Get The Girl Of Your Dreams**

**A lost period of Anwen and Sirius from "Bound"**

**by Mutt N Feathers**

**October 1978**

**Sirius POV:**

I woke up the morning after I finally figured out that I was in love with Anwen to a feeling like I'd never known. _I didn't realize what love was before this, even though it had been around me for almost five years, I was too dumb to figure it out. It wasn't like my parents had shown me all that much of it. Sure, when I was little it was there, sort of. I doubt that either of my parents would have been parents if it wasn't that they had to be parents. I thought back over that sentence trying to decide if it made any sense. I guessed it did, but it was one of those round-about things that Anwen would say that often made me scratch my head._

_Anwen...Even her name was beautiful to me. How appropriate that her name means beautiful._

"Anwen," the name rolled off my lips. "Anwen Llyn Hodgson," the sweet syllables dripped like honey. "Anwen Llyn Black." I moaned when I thought about it and I was surprised that part of my anatomy was pretty excited by it too. _Where did that come from? You've always said you were completely against the idea of being saddled to someone. Marriage wasn't happy. Marriage wasn't good. Marriage was people yelling at each other, slaps across the face and tears in the night. That isn't something that I would ever want for my sweet girl. And yet...who says that marriage with her would be like that. In all the years that we've lived together the worst argument we ever had was about my not picking up after myself, and even then, she was just sitting on the bed laughing at me because she'd levitated all my dirty clothes and stuck them to the ceiling. Once I learned that I needed to be honest with her, we didn't fight anymore._

Then it hit me, I had a huge problem. I had no idea how to get Anwen._ I'd kissed her last year at the Yule Ball, and to be honest it was the best kiss I'd ever had. It scared the shite out of me. I wasn't supposed to like kissing her. I was just supposed to do it and then it would be over and it would be the end of this date thing we were on because there wasn't anyone else who was good enough to go with her. I was shocked when I could feel the kiss all the way to my feet and it made my heart race. I couldn't believe how the softness of her lips lingered on mine long after I'd walked her back into the Great Hall and we were dancing again. I could taste her still, her lips tasted like strawberries and vanilla and not some fake strawberry taste of that horrible lip gloss that some girls used. She just naturally tasted like the real strawberries she bought from the market._

_Getting girls to snog had never been an issue. Getting a girl to do more really wasn't a problem either, but I had some rules to it. One, when they get clingy or start talking about 'relationships' that was the point that they had to go. Two, never let your guard down around them. I never slept in the presence of any of conquests - too vulnerable - and I never shared a bed, couch, chair or other bit of furniture or floor. I learned that growing up. When you're asleep you can't be prepared for what might happen. _I shuddered remembering how I needed to charm my bedroom at my parents' house after I came home that first summer. My father would come to my room after he'd been drinking... I shook my head, trying to forget the memories, replacing them with thoughts of Anwen and how beautiful she is when she sleeps.

_The only girl who had ever spent the night in my bed or I in hers was when Anwen and I would simply talk until we were asleep. I suppose that should have been my first clue that she was something more. She was the only one that I'd spend the night with. She was the only woman that I had ever truly trusted. Even Lily and Eva, as close as they were to the other guys, they never saw the darkness that was inside me. Anwen had seen it all, and had called me a righteous man anyway. She amazed me._

I got up and went to get myself dressed and headed downstairs. Moony was still asleep so I put the kettle on and grilled up some bread and bangers. I was thankful that Anwen had finally taught me to make the most basic of foods this summer. I was an awful cook, but face it, I'd never been allowed in the kitchen at home and we had house-elves at Hogwarts. I wouldn't starve now, and I didn't need to go to the pub for every meal. I read through the _Prophet_ while I ate, and other than three more disappearances and a murder there wasn't any news of note. It made me thankful that at least my little one was safe at school. There was nowhere safer than Hogwarts, especially with Dumbledore there. As I was cleaning my dishes and putting them away, something else that Anwen had insisted on over the summer, her tempestuous owl flew in through the window in the mudroom that we kept open for it. I gave him a bit of bread and he flew over to the nest that was on the top of the pantry cupboard. Winnie's letters always made me smile

_**Dear Sirius,**_

_**I'm sorry that I didn't get to say goodbye to you yesterday, I really did need to get up to the hospital wing and let Madame Pomfrey heal my hand. Three broken knuckles, but Regulus was worse, I busted his jaw and snapped off two teeth. Because of the healing spells, we both had to spend the night in the Hospital ward. It wasn't the most pleasant night I've ever spent there. Don't worry, nothing happened - I pulled the privacy curtains around me and then charmed the floor to whistle if he came too close.**_

_**I have detention on Saturday afternoon with Professor McGonagall. She's right of course, throwing punches is no way to solve problems. Privately though, I think that she was happy I didn't stand there and take it from him. I know that I was supposed to go to London this weekend to see the Opera School director, but I'll have to put it off for another day. I'll write Lily to make alternate plans. Professor Dumbledore has also said that he can take me, since he is my guardian.**_

_**I hope that you're well and it would help my mood if you were to write me back. I always smile when I get your letters. I'll see you when I come home for the Christmas hols and my concert series. Try to stay out of trouble.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Anwen**_

I reread her letter and it made me smile. _No, hitting people wasn't her style, but at the same time, my brother had no business calling her a whore. If I could get hold of his scrawny neck and ring it thoroughly I would, but that would just get me into more trouble with my family - not that it mattered - I just figured I wouldn't give them further reason to curse me when I saw them. I also knew from talking with Lily that Regulus had ended up with two straight weeks of nightly detention as well as having to sit through a lesson from Professors McGonagall and Slughorn about the appropriate things to say about female students at the school. That sounded more painful than having your fingernails plucked out one by one. _I walked into the sitting room and sat down at the small desk we had there for Winnie to do schoolwork when she was home and replied to her letter.

_**My sweet Winnie,**_

_**I'm not upset at you for not seeing you. I tried to catch up to you as you went into the school and up to the medical wing, but Lily kept me back. She said that you just wanted to be alone, I hope that was true.**_

_**I'm glad my loathsome brother didn't cause you any more problems yesterday. I would have stayed with you last night and watched over you, if you'd have let me. It seems, however, that you have again proven just what a resourceful and bad-ass witch you really are. Ingenious, charming there my little one.**_

_**Do you honestly think that you won't see me again until the Christmas hols? I'm up at Hogwarts to see Dumbledore all the time, and he always allows me to stop and stay with you a while. I don't think I could go a whole two months without seeing your beautiful face and radiant smile. I miss you so much when you're away at school; the house is very empty without you and the lightness you bring to it in every way is missing. **_

_**Let me know when you need to go into London. If Dumbledore can't take you, surely you know that I will. Maybe we can even sneak in a trip to the music store! I can't wait to see you again. I have something very important to tell you. Winnie, never forget that you are the most important person in my life.**_

_**Always,**_

_**Sirius**_

I reviewed the letter and then tied it to Midnight's leg and let her fly away. It was amazing that I got away without having that ruddy bird peck my fingers. She had the worst constitution of any owl that I'd ever known. Moony woke up shortly after bird left and while he was eating his breakfast I slid Anwen's note over to him. He sighed at her having to spend the night in the hospital wing with Regulus and then again when he read that she got detention for it.

"I somehow don't think that she'll be spit polishing the cauldrons in the Potions classroom," he muttered, remembering one of our least favorite detentions.

"True, and I doubt that McGonagall will make her pick up all the feathers in the Transfiguration class room floor after the fourth years begin their bird transfigurations and then having to sort them by color and then by size," I added as I recalled an equally awful detention. Silence fell between us which Moony finally broke.

"So, now that you figured out what the rest of us have known since fourth year, what are you going to do about Anwen?"

I slumped back into the overstuffed chair that I was sitting in, recalling how Anwen always curled up in it to read, and sighed loudly. "I have no idea. How do you go about getting a girl to date you?" Remus laughed at me.

"Man, you have more experience with girls than the rest of us put together. What have you done in the past?"

"Nothing," I confessed. "Look, I could smile at a girl, she'd come over and that was it. I mastered the ending part, not the starting part. This is different. I don't want just a quick shag with Winnie, I want..." I paused, not sure what it was that I wanted. "I want what we have now, but I also want to be able to hold her, kiss her, make love to her. I want her to know that she is the most important thing in my life, period."

"Tell her that," he suggested. I scoffed at him.

"I can't tell her that. She'd laugh her arse off at me. She'd think it was some stupid prank, and I couldn't bear that. Nope, gonna think of a brilliant way to let her know that she's the one for me."

"Sirius, man, just go with the honest words. You know darn well if you try to do some big huge thing with spells and surprises the thing will backfire. It always does, and then...well Anwen doesn't like to be the butt of the jokes we play. Just talk with her. Trust me, this is a sure thing Padfoot, she is totally in love with you," he told me but I shook my head at him. I knew I was right about this; I had to know her better than he did. I reviewed the calendar, looking for the right date. Halloween night was only two weeks away. That was it, I was going to do something very sweet for my angelic witch.

Turns out that Dumbledore wanted some extra people out on patrol watching the castle on Halloween night, so I gladly volunteered for the duty, as did James, Lily and Remus. It didn't take much persuasion to convince Dumbledore to let Remus and me take the inside vigil. There were mumblings that Voldemort wanted into the castle. That little bit of intelligence, coupled with the fact that there were children of at least three known Death Eaters currently at the school, having a little extra protection on the grounds seemed sensible.

Once all the students had been taken down to the Great Hall for the feast, we had our jobs to do. James and Lily, along with Edgar Bones and Dorcas Meadows did an exterior sweep, looking for anything unusual on the grounds. Moony and I checked the interior of the school, especially the catacombs beneath the school, the hidden passageways in and out of Hogwarts and the unused classrooms. We were surprised when we stumbled upon a passage that we'd never seen before. A rather ugly tapestry of a Goblin band had been moved aside and there was a steep spiral staircase that led down. Without speaking to each other, we decided to check it out. It led to a music room, a grand piano in the middle.

"It smells like Anwen in here," I told Moony. "How did she know where this room was when we didn't?"

"Remember, Lily told us she knew someplace secret. I'm guessing this is that place. Makes sense, it's a music room. I could see her escaping to be alone, playing the piano to relieve some stress," he told me. I nodded, surprised that I could still find out new things about her.

I took in another deep breath, reveling in the scent that was hers alone. She smelled to me like strawberries and vanilla, mirroring her taste, but there was something else. Sunshine or a summer breeze? I couldn't quite place it, but it made me feel content and at peace. All I knew was that was Anwen and what her being in my life did for me.

"Come on, we've got more ground to cover," Moony reminded me and we ascended the stairs. We checked the rest of the castle and when all seemed clear we headed to the Great Hall. When we arrived the students were finishing up with their eating. I immediately found my brother across the way at the Slytherin table and we exchanged glares. I still wanted to punch him for what he'd said about my Winnie at the Quidditch match, but I knew it would anger her and I didn't want an angry Anwen tonight.

The school chorus was up performing - one of the three times a year that the other students heard them. What surprised me was there in the front row was Winnie. She'd never sung with them before. I leaned against the doorframe, crossed one leg over another and watched. I knew the minute she saw me, her smile widened and her eyes twinkled. When the song ended, she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked at me, blushing. She then stepped forward and another student came up with some hand drums behind her.

He started playing a lively tempo and Anwen got the rest of the student body - save the Slytherins - to clap along before beginning to sing the "Souling Song". It was a very old Halloween song about the time when children didn't collect candy on Halloween, but rather soul cakes or fruit. It was a familiar tune and soon, she had many of her classmates singing along. She was happy and animated and knew how to command attention. I'd never seen her like this, but it was refreshing. It was like someone had uncorked this part of her and it was just bubbling out.

When it ended there was uproarious cheering and clapping, and both Moony and I joined in. I could see in my mate's eyes that he was proud of her too.

"I knew she could sing and act, but that was very impressive. She really is a force of nature there, Padfoot. You sure you're man enough to contain her?" he teased.

"Doubt it, but I wouldn't want to anyway," I replied, which caused him to laugh even more. Professor Flitwick dismissed the chorus and they headed back to their house tables, all except Anwen, she walked right past her roommates and headed to where Moony and I were standing. I watched as their eyes followed her, and then they started giggling and whispering at the sight of me. They'd been teasing her about us dating, and she'd been denying it. I hoped that after tonight she be denying it no longer.

Winnie hugged Moony first and then she threw herself into my arms. I held her tightly and lifted her right up off the ground, relishing how good it felt to have her there again. I put her down and I was ready to just kiss her right then and there, but she started talking.

"What are the two of you doing here?"

"Dumbledore has some of us here on watch tonight," I told her. She already knew that we were up here doing things for Dumbledore because of the problems Voldemort was causing. She'd figured that much out on my last visit to the castle. The bright light in her eyes dimmed and she nodded her head. She was more perceptive than she should be. I was afraid that it was going to get her into trouble one day.

"I was surprised to see you up there singing," I told her, keeping my arms anchored at her waist. She'd slid her hands down so they were resting on my arms. My flesh felt like it was on fire where she was touching me. It was the most wonderful pain that I'd ever experienced. She shrugged.

"When I first got here, I didn't want anyone to know that I could sing. I'd figured it would be like the Opera school and I would just become my voice, and not be me anymore. By my third year I knew it wouldn't be like that, but I didn't really have the time. Something about cleaning up messes for my best friends ..." she trailed off, her lip cocked up on one side in a goofy smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, our personal reversal squad," Moony teased back, knowing it was true.

"Anyway, this year when Professor Flitwick asked, I didn't have a good reason to say no. They only meet twice a month so it isn't taxing and I get to sing just to have fun."

"That's groovy," I told her, enveloping her in my arms again. Anwen laid her face against my heart and I wondered if she could hear how hard it was beating. Her hands moved from my arms and wove their way around my middle and rested on my back. My left hand remained at the small of her back while the other went to twine in her long brown hair that was just hanging free tonight.

"I'm going to uh, find James and Lily," Moony said. I nodded, still holding my girl in my arms even as I heard him walk away.

"Do you think you could sneak off to spend some time with me?" I whispered in her hair, then taking in a deep breath. Her scent filled me and I smiled.

"Sure," she answered, "the gossip can't get worse than it already is." With one last squeeze I let most of her go, just keeping the hand on her back.

"You're still getting teased?" I asked her, knowing that it had bothered her immensely when I'd seen her in Hogsmeade a few weeks ago.

"Sirius, the Professors thought that you'd proposed to me. The Professors. I've just decided to go with the flow," there was sadness in her voice, but also resignation. This could work in my favor. "So, if Professor Dumbledore wanted extra security around the castle tonight, I take it that there were specific threats made?" _Way too perceptive,_ I thought, wondering how I would ever keep her and her inquisitive nature safe.

I pulled her into an empty classroom down the hall. It was one that we often spent our Friday nights in, it felt like familiar territory for us and it made me smile, thinking about our mischief-making nights together. I quietly shut the door and pulled her over to the far side of the room, away from the door and transfigured a desk into a large wingback chair and sat down, pulling her down with me. As my arms wove around her waist I couldn't believe how right it felt to be holding her this way. I couldn't help but imagine how different things would have been if I'd had enough courage to do something about it years ago.

"Sirius," Anwen said snapping her fingers in front of my face, "hey, you in there?"

"Huh?" I brilliantly answered. "Oh, uh, sorry, lost in thought."

"Obviously," she drolly said. "I asked if it were just a general concern or if a specific threat was made against the school."

"Anwen, please, don't get yourself involved in this. Just, remain blissfully ignorant while you're at school." I couldn't let her know how things were really getting out there, how scary it was becoming for witches and wizards like her. James was terrified for Lily's safety, especially since she'd joined the Order as well.

"Sirius, I'm not ignorant, blissfully or otherwise," she told me plainly. "I read the _Prophet_ every morning. I know what's going on. What I can't figure out is what you have to do with it. I won't ask you, but promise me, when you can tell me, you will?" She wasn't going to press me now, but she would expect answers someday. I could promise someday, a long time away, when I knew that she was completely safe.

"Someday, my sweet little one," I told her, bringing my lips to her temple, "someday." She snuggled in closer to me, and laid her head against my chest again. I knew it was time, I needed to talk with her about this. I'd thought up an ingenious way of telling her, using some fireworks.

I'd always relished the quiet times that we shared. The fact that we didn't need to fill the empty spaces with meaningless talk was a blessing to me. Anwen didn't realize how little time to just "be" I'd had before I met her. I was always moving as a kid to keep from having to think about what my father had done to me. It was only when I met her, learned to be silent with her that I learned about peace. My father never touched me, even in my memories, when she was with me.

My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing as I slid my wand from my pocket. Anwen could see what I was doing and before I could cast the spell, her little hand was holding onto the top of the wand.

"What are you up to?" She asked.

"I have a surprise for you, remember?"

"Oh, no, no surprises. You try to surprise me and I end up with spots or covered in soot or singed hair. Nope, I do not need any surprise that you could give me enough to risk that. I'd rather not have to draw eyebrows on myself again while I'm waiting for mine to grow back in," she wouldn't release my wand.

"Please, I promise, nothing like that will happen. This is something I really want to give you," I pleaded with her. She sat up more and looked at me.

"What is it? Tell me and I'll decide if I trust you enough to do this spell of yours."

"It's a message, spelled out in fireworks..."

"Nope, the word fire was in there and no, no fire from your wand is getting anywhere near me," she was shaking her head. "Tell me whatever message you have to give me just with words. I don't want the whiz bangs, I don't trust them."

_This isn't going at all like I'd planned. _I groused. _Worse than that, Moony was right, which drives me crazy when that happens. He's always so smug about it. Words, huh, just gotta tell her._

I suddenly felt her small hand on my face, and it drew me back from my thoughts.

"Whatever it is, Sirius, we'll deal with it together. I can tell you're frightened, and that's scaring me. Please, just spit it out, it can't be that bad."

"It's not bad," I started talking. "Really, it's quite good actually. See, I, err, well, it's like this...I have noticed that when I'm around you...I err, well you see, you're very special and..." I stopped and she looked at me with her brows furrowed in concentration.

"Do you know what I mean?" I asked, hoping that I'd gotten enough out.

"Not a clue." Oh, I hadn't said enough. I would have to try again.

"When I'm with you...well, you make me happy. When I'm not with you, I'm not."

"I feel the same way," she said quietly. "But we already knew that. I figured it out my first year."

"Yeah, but see, it's more than that. I think that, well, what I mean is I think that we should, yes, it would be best if we did." She was staring at me, just blinking. I still hadn't done this. It was one damn sentence. I just needed to ask her if she wanted to date me.

"I was wondering, uh, the next Hogsmeade Saturday..."

"Oh, yes, I've already blocked it off to spend with you. I figured we could celebrate your birthday. I've spoken with the house-elves and they're going to let me into the kitchen and I'm so excited to give you your gifts." _That did not go at all like I'd planned. I knew we were spending the day together, I just wanted to take her out, not have her make me lunch._

"That sounds great, but, I was wondering if you'd rather go to ..." Before I could get Madame Puddifoot's out, a stag galloped into the room. Prongs always did have rotten timing.

"Problem out by the lake, we need you." His Patronus dissolved and I hung my head down.

"Dumbledore's been working with him too, huh?" I nodded even as she was sliding off my lap. "Let me guess, Peter's looks like a rat and Remus' looks like a wolf?" I nodded yes. "At least all of you are predictable. Go on, you're here to do a job, and I'm getting tired."

"Before I go, I really need to talk with you about Hogsmeade."

"No, you don't. My day out is yours and yours alone. Go take care of what you need to, I'll write you tomorrow," she told me as she gave me a quick hug and then headed toward the door. "I'm getting sleepy anyway and I've got Runes first thing in the morning tomorrow."

Anwen had to basically drag me to the door. This wasn't working out the way that I wanted to, but I was suddenly helpless against this five foot, eighty pound girl. She took my hand and we went back to the main hallway. She kissed my cheek and bid me goodnight and then she was gone.

I hung my head and tried to figure out how I let a perfectly good opportunity pass me by even as I was going down the stairs and out toward the path that led to the lake.

When I got there it turned out the emergency was nothing more than a first year who was convinced to come out to the lake by some upper classmen and attempt to skinny dip. They'd then stolen his clothes. This was something the prefects could and should have been dealing with, not us. We got the small boy back to the Hufflepuff common room and making sure that the Head Boy knew what had happened, we headed back down the path to Hogsmeade to Apparate home.

"So," Moony asked, "are you and Anwen together? Did you tell her?"

"No, not exactly. I went to do the spell that I came up with, you know the fireworks, and she wouldn't let me. Claimed that when I surprised her, she usually ended up spotted or singed or something with her eyebrows."

"Told you that she'd never let you do a charm like that around her," Lily said smugly while the others laughed.

"Yeah, yeah." I dejectedly replied.

"So, why didn't you just tell her?" Prongs asked.

"I tried, but I couldn't seem to make anything I was saying make sense to her. I never got to ask her out for the next Hogsmeade Saturday, but we're spending the day together anyway. She's going to celebrate my birthday then. I didn't want her making lunch for me; I wanted to take her out. It's all wrong." I kicked a rock and shoved my hands into my pockets. The others just continued to laugh.

"Why do I think that this is just going to take a really long time for those two to get together?" Lily posed but no one chose to answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Sirius' 19th birthday here folks, and Anwen has cooked up something special for him. Will he finally be able to tell her what he feels? Thanks to Arnel, my beta, for making sure that my sentences stay in the same tense all the way through. Mutt**

**Chapter 2**

**November 1978:**

**Sirius POV:**

My birthday had been on Monday, I turned nineteen. I tried not to think about the fact that Anwen was only fifteen. She didn't act or think like she was fifteen, but it didn't change the fact that she was. The gang had thrown me a party at the Potter's house. James and Lily were still trying to decide if they wanted to remain at the small gatehouse, or, if they should move up to the large Manor house, since James was now the Lord. Lily liked to tease him about his new standing. I knew that Mr. Potter hadn't ever taken the title very seriously, and I couldn't imagine James doing so either.

It was a nice meal, huge steaks wrapped in bacon. A fair bit of Meade and Whiskey as well. Poker and cigars after supper with the guys. I wouldn't be going into specifics about the meal with Winnie. she often picked on me about how my diet consisted of meat and alcohol. I reminded her of the crisps and pumpkin juice, but she was unimpressed. _Normal sized people cannot live on the berries and nuts that she does. It just isn't right. Maybe that's why she is as light as a bird, she insists on eating like one._

I awoke the morning of the Hogsmeade trip excited to see my girl. It had been three weeks, and while she'd written home several times, it just wasn't the same thing. I knew that she had planned a surprise to celebrate. Her surprises were always exciting, especially for my birthday. What she'd pulled off her third year, when I turned seventeen...I still couldn't believe it; the dinner, the party, the watch... I reached over and grabbed it off the table beside the bed and ran it between my hands. I bathed in the warmth it gave me. Holding this small bit of metal made me feel nearly as good as being in her presence.

I got up, showered and dressed. Normally I would have thrown on jeans and a jumper, but Anwen had let it slip that she liked the way a man looked in a dress shirt, especially with the sleeves rolled up. _Her exact words were that she'd never seen anything quite as dashing as a man in jeans and a dress shirt. If he rolled up the sleeves to show of his arms, her exact words were 'swoon worthy'._ If that is all it took to make her swoon, then by goodness, I could give it to her. I had gone shopping last week in an attempt to make over my wardrobe. Thankfully Eva was able to go with me, because outside of wearing my school uniforms and then my standard weekend wear I had no idea how to shop for clothes. My thing was I knew what kind of jeans I liked, and I simply bought the same kind over and over. Tee shirts weren't complex and I wore my riding boots the majority of the time, even with my uniform when I could.

However, since I was now part of the Order and doing things for Dumbledore, especially things where I used my last name and heritage to its full effect, I needed to play the part of a member of the Ancient and Noble House of Black. I hadn't told Anwen about that, although I really wanted to. I needed her to understand it was eating away at me, and that I wasn't always happy about the role I had to play. It was different from how James worked his heritage. The Potter's were respected and people helped him out of that respect. The Black's were feared, and that wasn't something I ever wanted to be.

Eva and I spent some time on Diagon Alley, going to Madame Malkin's to pick up some suitable robes. There were two sets, one in a grey that she said brought out my eyes, and another in a deep green, a more traditional Black family colour. I had even had a signet of the family crest created that could be attached to the robes, if necessary. I declined having anything with snakes on it, however. That was going too far. We then went out into London and she helped me get some Muggle trousers, shoes and dress shirts. The one that I was wearing today was a two-tone brown that reminded me of Anwen's hair. I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows and then put my boots on. I charmed my hair and neatened up my beard and moustache and decided that I looked good.

I fidgeted my way through breakfast. Winnie said that she couldn't meet me until ten and it was only eight-thirty now. I had no clue how I was going to get through the rest of this morning. I read the paper, but the news was exceptionally bleak. A Muggle neighbourhood had been attacked overnight. A dozen people were dead and three young girls were missing. We'd heard nothing about it ahead of time, and by the time the Dark Mark had been seen and the alarm was sent out, it was too late. The paper stated that several known Death Eaters were responsible. I shook my head at that. It was always the Death Eaters, but Voldemort never showed himself. How were we ever going to catch him if he wasn't out there to be caught?

I'd finally killed enough time and at a quarter to ten I Apparated myself to the gates of Hogwarts and waited for Anwen. Several members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team came out, and I spent time chatting with them while I awaited my little one. Ian confirmed that not only were they doing well, but that Anwen might be one of the best Seekers that he'd ever seen.

"She flies through a crowd with such precision, that I swear she's part bird or something. When her mind is in the game, she's unstoppable and fearless," he explained. I didn't chuckle aloud, but calling Anwen birdlike was appropriate.

"She's something," I replied in a vague way. "Definitely fearless."

"Seriously, man, you've got your work cut out for you with that one. She'd walk into a den of dragons if she thought she needed to," he further added and I nodded. It was one of the things that always made me worried for her.

Before I could say any more, Anwen came down the walk. When our eyes met, she smiled brightly. She looked beautiful, dressed in a deep purple cloak with a long skirt peeking out underneath. Her hair had been curled and she wore a cream coloured beret and gloves. She walked straight to me and gave me a hug. When she released me from her tight hold, she greeted her teammates. I refused to let her out of my reach, so I wove my arm around her tiny waist and held her to me.

"Hey guys, how are you?" she brightly questioned.

"Groovy, Win," Ian answered. "Hey, if you don't have other plans we're all going to hang today, hit the Quidditch shop and get some grub. You're welcome to join us."

"As good as that sounds, we're going to pass," she said kindly. "We've got some other plans for today. But another time, 'kay?"

"Sure, can only imagine what you two are getting up to," Ian said with a sly smile.

"Not like that, Ian, and you know it. What was it you call me, 'free bird'? I think the nickname has many connotations, and my flying is only one of them. Go on, have fun, I'll see you in the common room later," she bid her teammates goodbye. Her fervent denial of the nature of our relationship stung a little, but I knew she was right. At the moment, we weren't dating. I was still hopeful that was going to change. I looked down at her, and caught the sparkle in her big green eyes.

"So, what exactly do you have planned for today?" I asked, pulling her back into my embrace.

"Well, I have everything ready. Can you do the honours of Apparating us over," she said as she tipped her head to the left. The only thing that was over there was the Shrieking Shack.

"The Shack?" I asked sceptically.

"We spent the last Hogsmeade Saturday there, and I thought it would give us some privacy." I loved watching her lips move as she spoke. They were so full and pink and luscious. I wanted to devour them. "So will you or are we going to walk over?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," I broke myself lose from staring at her mouth, "any specific room?" I knew the layout of the house well enough to get us into any room she wanted.

"Yes, the large sitting room on the first floor, you know, the one with the broken piano," she told me and I nodded, I knew the room. It was directly above the room we had used for Remus' changes. Without letting go of her I Disapparated us into the dingy house.

The room looked completely different from when we'd been in it a month previously. It was clean for one thing, and the furniture had been repaired and rearranged. There was even a fire in the grate - it had strange pink flames - but it was giving off heat just the same. I looked to Winnie and she appeared proud.

"You did all this?" I asked, taking it all in.

"Yeah, all it needed was some Transfigurations and a few basic cleaning Charms. Professor Dumbledore gave me permission, and fortunately we're close enough to the school that it wasn't a problem with the Ministry. We come out here sometimes, just to talk. I can't always be seen coming and going from his office, he can't appear to be playing favourites even if he is my guardian. I fly out, he flashes with Fawkes, we get to talk more freely."

I pulled her close, amazed at her skill. She was certainly more talented at magic than I would hope to ever be. As I held her, I let my nose skim along her forehead, relishing the softness of her skin, her intoxicating scent and her warmth. _You've got to stop this man, you're molesting her forehead with your nose. Ask her a question, do something, you're acting like a git here. You can't just stand here and hold her, at least sit down and hold her._ I was getting all nervous again. This was so strange. _It's Winnie, man, you spend hours and hours alone with her, why is this any different?_ I tried to give myself a pep-talk, but I just sounded like an arse.

I let her go, and then reached over to take her cloak. She unfastened it and I my breath caught when I saw what she was wearing. She had on a blouse that left her shoulders bare, crossing over her chest in a gentle scoop that was mimicked on the back. It was a very deep green and it made her skin look even paler and more like cream. The blouse was tucked into her skirt and made her waist seem even smaller than it was. As she pulled off her gloves and hat and laid them aside, I removed my jacket and laid it aside, I heard Anwen breath catch. I was hoping that it was due to my clothes.

I reached down and took her hand and pulled her over toward the repaired sofa. I sat down and pulled her into my lap, like we'd done hundreds of times in the common room and at home. She just fit perfectly, moulding into me. I wrapped my left arm over her, holding onto her hip while I let my right one trail through her long curls.

"What's with the pink flames?" I asked, finally breaking our silence.

"It's magical fire, it's pink because I could make it pink. If it bothers you, I can change it," she remarked very plainly.

"No, no bother, just different. You look beautiful today, you're not a little girl anymore," I told her and she blushed.

"Thanks," she said quietly but not looking at me.

"So, um, what do you and Dumbledore talk about?"

"All sorts of stuff," she started. "I've been reading about the faith system of magic, the old religion and the history of it. He answers questions that I have. Like, I knew the Souling Song, but I didn't realize what all of it meant until I started reading about Samhain. He says that if I'd grown up in a magical family, it's stuff I would have learned, but I didn't. I find it interesting. He also helps me with my special lessons with Professor McGonagall and Flitwick."

"Are you thinking of starting to practice the old religion?" I asked. My family adhered to the old faith, and what I'd seen of it I wasn't fond of. It could have been just my family getting it wrong, but it seemed to have very little to do with faith and a whole lot to do with drinking.

"No, it's more for the intellectual and historical aspects. I'm a Methodist, plan on staying that way," she joked back, and it made me feel better. I wanted nothing to do with how my family did things.

"So tell me about your special classes," I prodded her, and she got a big smile.

"Well it's human transfiguration and spell creation. I love them, it's hard work, but I've never been opposed to hard work."

"That's true," I proudly confirmed. "So, is the spell for the pink flames your own?" She nodded with a glint in her eyes.

"You know, I'd better watch out for you," I teased her. "Who knows what you might do at home if you get upset."

"Hey, if I can make you think you're a girl and that you lost your pride and joy, then you should have already known that," she teased back. She leaned back into my chest and snuggled in. "I miss you so much," she told me quietly.

_This was it, I knew it was the perfect moment, I can just reach down, tilt her head toward me and kiss her and then profess how much I do love her, not just as a friend but that I was IN love with her, like a man loves a woman. I can tell her how much I wanted to be with her, explore just how good we can be together. _I took a deep breath and was about to act when I felt her shift again and move to a sitting position.

"Time for presents," she exclaimed as she stood. Her back was turned to me as she got up from the couch and began walking over to a large sack she had hidden beside the broken piano. I threw my arms up in frustration and began to mentally chastise myself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid man. Stop thinking about it and just do it._ I ran my hands through my hair and quelled my nerves as Anwen came back holding three gifts and wearing a grin that seemed to engulf her face. _There is nothing more lustrous in all the world as my little one's smile._

"Here, open this first," she said, handing me a very thin, square package wrapped in dark brown paper with a white ribbon on it. I tore into it and found two Muggle record albums. _Patti Smith Group_ was a personal favourite of Anwen's, but I really liked the depth of what was said in her songs. The other, _Genesis,_ I was surprised by. We both liked the group, but Anwen had been less impressed since their lead singer had left.

"I thought that you didn't like them anymore?" Anwen pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and blushed, and I knew I was in for an entertaining answer.

"Err, the song that we danced together, when we went to the pub with the cast, it's on there," she told me quietly, averting her eyes. _She bought me an album because we danced to one song on it. It was hot when she was dancing with me. The way she can move her hips, and how close she was to me. She must have enjoyed it too._ I smiled at her and just watched her get all nervous and flustered, which made her even more beautiful. _This is good, this is very good._

"Okay, well, here, open this one next," she stammered while pushing another gift at me. This one was wrapped in layers of tissue paper. I ripped through them and found myself staring at a framed magical picture of Anwen dancing from this past summer. I could tell from her costume that it was her solo piece from the end of term performance.

"Mr. Walker, Clara's dad, had taken this picture, and I asked if I could borrow the negative. Remus helped me take it to the photo place on Diagon Alley to have it developed for you. I know that you'd liked that number," she said quietly. I stared at the picture, amazed. Her dance had been entitled "Ghost" and was choreographed to a haunting piece and the sadness and longing seemed to flow out of her as she danced. It was remarkable to watch her, lost in the movements when she was on stage, and now I had this permanent reminder of it.

"Anwen, this is..." I trailed off, lost for words. "Little one, you have no idea how much this means to me." I was captivated watching her dance. The way her hands and fingers moved, the arch of her back, the definition in her leg muscles. It was intoxicating to watch her, and I needed to shift myself around, parts of me liked watching her a whole lot. I looked up at her and she was smiling brightly.

"So, you like it?"

"I love it, silly girl," I told her as I laid down on the floor near me and reached across to grab her and pull her back toward me and hold her. I had to be rather careful as to where I put her, not wanting her to feel my boner. _ Yeah, that's just what I need to do, make her think I'm some creep who gets a hard on by looking at her. Well, I mean I do, but she doesn't need to know that yet. Perhaps it would be better if I had at least told her that I loved her and wanted her first before I let her know that I thought about shagging her most of the time._

"Okay, one more," she said, nearly buzzing with excitement. She shifted herself around on my lap, which was so not helping my problem before she proudly pulled out a box with a silver-coloured lid that she laid on our combined laps. When I slid the top off, I found the most amazing leather vest inside. Deep brown with what looked like runes along the edges. The leather was amazingly supple and soft and I looked up from it to Anwen's excited face.

"I'd asked Da to tell me when he had a hide at the farm, because I wanted some leather to work with. When he wrote and told me that he had some, Lily took me to my parents house and I got it and then took it to the tanner in town and he got it all fixed up for me. I used some of your other clothes as a template and Lily helped me sew it, she's got a sewing machine at her Mum and Dad's. What I couldn't do by machine I either did by hand or with magic. I double checked the Runes with Professor Verbum, and she was quite impressed at the layers of protection that I'd figured out on my own. She gave me twenty-five points for Gryffindor for it. It's magically reflective, except for Unforgivables, and it's also magically reinforced so that if someone were to come after you with a knife or something, it would have a hard time getting through," she explained proudly, speaking faster than any normal person could. _I love when she gets going like this, she's such a bundle of energy. I can think of some other places that energy will be useful. Come on man, get your head out of your pants._

"Winnie, this is magnificent," I told her as I slipped it from the box and put it on. It fit me like a glove and even matched the shirt that I was wearing today. "I can't believe that you did this for me." There was no question in my mind, apart from the watch this was the best gift that I had ever gotten. No one in my life had ever gone to such work for me.

"I know you well enough to know that danger is always around you, whether self-inflicted or not," she said with a smirk and I knew she was referring to my backfiring spells. "I just...you always are telling me that you're worried about me keeping safe, but you don't seem at all concerned for your safety. I decided I should worry about it," she was so earnest it hurt to look at her. "I can't lose you. If I did, I'd be all alone," she added, choking back tears. I pulled her to me and held her tightly.

"You will never lose me, Win. Where would I go? You're my home. It doesn't matter where our house might be, I'm only at ease, only complete when you're with me. I won't ever go anywhere, I promise, little love," I exclaimed and I could feel her body shaking with tears as I held her. The power of what she told me had me fighting back tears. I had never cried much, but I often felt myself moved to do it just by comprehending how much she really did care for me.

I could feel her trembling in my arms and I pulled my wand and did a quick warming charm on her, although she continued to shake, I deduced it was from her emotions. I tried to shush her, promising in whispered tones that everything would be alright while I held her, my hands trailing up and down her back in a comforting motion. It was only when I was on my third or fourth pass that I realized she wasn't wearing anything under the scoop-necked blouse. _For the love of all things holy, what the hell is she trying to do to me? Now all I can think about are her breasts, bare under her blouse, just waiting to be touched, or kissed, or suckled or...damn, I have got to stop thinking about this._ I started reciting names of the moons of Jupiter to try to distract myself, and it did eventually work. I held my girl until she'd calmed herself down.

_This is it. Do it now man, she's just professed that she worries about you, that she doesn't want to lose you. Get off your arse and tell her._

I opened my mouth to speak...

...and my stomach growled. _Okay, my body has the most amazingly bad timing._ Anwen of course heard it, since her head was only inches from my belly.

"Sounds like someone would like their lunch," she said as she slid away from me. It was only then that I saw the table she had set our meal on. She stood and offered me her hand, which I took and she led me to the small table, set with a tureen, a basket and a large pot of tea. She sat and pointed to the other seat, which I took. I unwrapped the cover on the basket and found pasties inside. From the smell I was able to deduce that they were her famous meat ones. The real surprise was in the tureen. I lifted the lid and was greeted with the scent of my favourite soup.

"How did you? Where did you get leeks from?" I asked. I knew that they were out of season. She'd always told me that you could only get them in the spring.

"Turns out that there are medicinal properties to leeks," she started speaking. "So, I've been cultivating a special kind that can be grown year round in the greenhouses at school for my Herbology class. One of the side benefits is that I had leeks to make you your favourite soup for your birthday."

"Anwen, I could kiss you right now," I muttered as I ladled the hot soup into my bowl. I stopped, realizing the words had slipped from my mouth before I'd realized what I was saying. I looked up and Winnie's face was ashen and slack-jawed.

"Uh, you just stay seated there," she cautioned me. "We agreed, no kissing. Last year at Christmas, we agreed. Kissing could only make things difficult, and" she had closed her eyes and was shaking her head at me. "We'll just forget that you said that," she mumbled before taking a breath and completely changing her demeanour. "Go on, ladle some more, I know how much you like it. The pasties are the ones you like with the beef and vegetables and I made you double chocolate cake for dessert."

"Anwen, please, can we talk about..."

"No, we can't, Sirius. Kissing can lead to other things and then when you're tired of me what will happen? I have nowhere else to go, no other family. Please, don't ruin today with talk of..." she trailed off and I wondered what had happened. _ How had I just gone from promising myself I was going to tell her that I loved to her and wanted to be with her to having her tell me that we couldn't even discuss kissing? When had I lost control of everything, again?_

I looked up at her, and she appeared terrified. As much as I wanted to press this issue, I could see that she was just too vulnerable to make any headway now. Instead, I matched her light mood and went on to talk about our lunch, attempting to ignore the rather annoying screams from both the lower half of my anatomy and my heart.

The conversation quickly recovered, and we were laughing and joking as we ate, but I couldn't stop the nagging little voice in my mind that kept reminding me that I blew it, again. I was starting to think the stars were just aligned against us and I might never get it right.

After we'd finished eating and enjoyed the cake, Anwen produced the silly pink floral record player that she'd bought for me the first Christmas in the little flat off Diagon Alley, and we put on the music and listened to the albums. I tried to find the right time to just go ahead and kiss her, but somehow she always sensed that I was moving in and she'd deftly move out of the way. _This might be the first time that I hate her bird-like reflexes. It's like she can sense me from feet away and then just rotate herself so that I can't get hold of her. Why can't I just tell her everything, tell her I don't ever want to be without her and I won't let her lose me? I mean really, I'm over a foot taller and outweigh her by almost her entire weight, shouldn't it be possible to just subdue her and thoroughly kiss her? _I fought the urge to groan as she spun around once again, pirouetting away from my arms with ease. _Like I could force myself on my girl. Time will come. I have to believe that, the right time will come._

Regret and defeat filled me as I walked Winnie and her sack of dirty dishes back to the gate and as I hugged her goodbye I was thankful for the amazing day that we'd had, but unsure what it was going to take for me to finally be able to start a real relationship with her. My cheek burned where she had kissed me goodbye and promised to see me in a month when she came home for her holiday concert series. I needed a long, cold shower. Now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**December 1978**

Anwen had been in and out of London twice this week, and I had yet to see her. Professor Dumbledore had brought her in for rehearsals, but due to her examinations schedule at school, she didn't even spend the night here, instead having a professor come and retrieve her and Apparate back to the castle immediately. She'd written that she was quite tired from her revisions, homework, rehearsals and the general work that went with the end of term. Today she was coming back to London and would be staying until she needed to return in January. It was ten days earlier than she would have normally started her break, but because she had to work, she was allowed to leave early.

I had wanted to go up to Hogwarts and pick her up, but she refused, instead insisting Professor McGonagall take her directly to her rehearsal hall early this morning. I couldn't even go and pick her up, she'd already made arrangements with Lily and Eva to meet her when she was done at 2:00 so that the trio could finish their Christmas shopping. Midnight, her owl, had arrived just after 8:00 this morning with a note stating that she hoped to be home for supper, but not to wait for her to dine, since she had no idea how long it would take while she was out. I was beginning to wonder if she was evading me, but I convinced myself that was a stupid idea.

She's just very busy, I reminded myself. There is nothing simple about her life, especially at this time of the year. _Anyway, what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I kept her from her best friends. She hadn't seen Lily or Eva since the night before she left for Hogwarts last fall. I don't want to begrudge her that time with them. I just really need to talk with her, I have to let her know how I feel._

I started to pace the first floor of the house. It was a square that you could easily walk from room to room. The sitting room led to the hall, which led to the kitchen which was open to the dining room which was off the sitting room. As I walked through the kitchen I looked at the clock on the wall, it was only 11:30 now, how was I going to make it until 5:00 or later?

One of the best things about Anwen being home was that we would end up sharing my bed. It was never something that we'd discussed or decided upon, it was something that just happened one night and it had wordlessly become the norm for us. We'd often fallen asleep in the common room at Hogwarts, sitting on the couch by the fireplace. We simply talked until we were asleep. Two years ago, when I'd first gotten the flat on Diagon Alley, was the first time we shared a bed. I'd finally grown a pair and went to find her in her dorm at the Opera school after I'd been upset with her on the train ride back to London and we talked until well after the Tubes had stopped running. There was just no way to get comfortable on her decrepit furniture, so we went and stretched out on her bed. We were both fully dressed as we slept, but there was something so right about it that I never questioned it.

I had been tormented by nightmares my whole life. I can pinpoint the day when I was six that they began. The nightmares often involved my tyrannical father and his harsh 'punishments' of me for my mere existence. At first he was only brutal when he'd been drinking, then it didn't matter if he were sober or not, he derived pleasure from beating me. I remember the first night that he brought Voldemort to our house. He wasn't called that yet, at least not around us, he was introduced as Mr. Riddle. The whole extended family was there, my uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents. I was six, Reg was only four. Something about him made me shiver, even though the room was quite warm. We knew that we were to be seen that night, but not heard unless we were spoken to directly. I had carefully made sure that Reg was always with me, not knowing what it was that this guy wanted or why. Thankfully, cousin Andie decided to stick with us, too. I was rather disgusted at the way Mr. Riddle was looking at her and cousin Bella. Andie worked to ignore it, Bella ate it up.

I had no idea what I'd done, but after everyone left my father came after me. He kept saying that I'd disappointed him, although I had no idea how since I'd only answered the questions that were asked of me and otherwise kept my mouth shut and stayed in the back of the ballroom, away from the adults. He threw me down the stairs to the cellar and locked the door behind me. I spent the night in the cold, dark room, the only thing I could hear were the sounds of rodents scurrying on the floor. It was late the next day that my mother was finally permitted to retrieve me. It was that evening that my nightly agony began.

The guys all knew that I had them, sometimes when I'd awaken I was so frightened that it would cause me to be sick. The first time I'd had one with Anwen, I was certain she was going to think less of me, but instead she just held onto me and promised me whatever was bothering me wasn't real. I had them far less frequently when she was with me, and I really only slept well when she was home and snuggled up next to me. I was thankful we'd never had the need to discuss our sleeping arrangements, I didn't want them to change.

I was still walking around the house when Remus stopped me by standing right in front of me.

"Huh," I mumbled just after I walked into him.

"Padfoot, you're wearing a pattern into the floorboards. Stop pacing, she's not going to be here for hours."

"I know, it's just…I've tried twice before to get her to talk with me, and both times something has happened to make the conversation go to hell. I can't keep letting it go on like this," I complained as I went to the sitting room and flopped into the oversized chair that Anwen loved.

"Sirius, man, you've just got to sit her down and tell her. It's not that hard," Moony told me.

"Yeah, because you were really good at telling Eva about how you felt," I reminded him as I cocked my eyebrow.

"Oh, no, that was completely different. I'm deadly, remember? I still don't think I deserve her, not when I could kill her by accident."

"You're only lethal one night a month, and those nights you're no where near her, so bugger off about that. You were scared shiteless too. I remember that you needed Lily to all but ask her if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with you," I reminded Moony.

"I know how frightened I was, I still am half the time, but Anwen is already in love with you. You already know everything there is to know about her. You just need to tell her that you feel the same way about her," he sounded irritated at me, but if I was honest, I was irritated at myself.

The afternoon finally passed and as the lights in our neighbouring houses came on, Lily and Anwen Apparated into the garden. I could hear their laughter all the way in the front of the house as they came in the back door.

"Not that I want to see him in them," Anwen was laughing hard as she spoke, "but you have to tell me if he ever puts them on!" I met them in the kitchen and my girl was laden with parcels and had her school bag thrown over her shoulder as well.

"Oh, he'll wear them. I have ways of convincing him," Lily boasted, laughing right along with Anwen.

"I'm quite certain you do, but I do not want to hear about them either," she doubled over, her body racked with chortles.

"Do I want to know what you're both cackling over?" I asked as I took Anwen's bag off her shoulder. She righted herself and fell into me laughing. I held her as she continued to find mirth in something.

"No," Anwen answered. "Not unless you want to imagine James in some itty, bitty, red..."

"Nevermind, Winnie," I cut her off realizing that they were laughing over undergarments on my brother in all but blood.

"I should be getting home. Maybe Jamie will get an early present," Lily said as she waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "I'll see you on Tuesday, Win."

"Yeah, have a good night," she said in a rather suggestive and knowing tone. Lily went back out the kitchen door and a gentle pop followed not long after. Anwen was finally able to get hold of her laughter, and she looked up at me, smiling.

"Hi," she said with a gentle warmth that felt like home.

"Hi yourself, love," I answered in kind before wrapping my arms around her completely and holding her to me. "I'm glad you're home."

"So am I," she sighed. "My feet are killing me."

"That's the only reason you're glad to be here?" I feigned being upset.

"No, I'm also hungry," she joked along. "Have you eaten yet?"

"I haven't, I was waiting for you," I told her, and she nodded her head. "Let me go put these things upstairs and then I'll get started on something." She gently pushed against me to get free and turned to head into the hall and up to the first floor. I grabbed her hand and she turned her head back to me.

"Anwen, I didn't mean that you had to cook. How about if I take my girl out tonight?" I asked, hoping that she'd let me take her out for a good meal. An intimate dinner sounded like the perfect way to tell her how I felt.

"Yeah, that sounds really good," she said. "Let me freshen up just a bit and then I'll be ready to go," she told me as she dashed from the kitchen. "Oh, and I'll tell Remus while I'm up there. Dinner out with my roomies, what a welcome home."

With those few words our romantic dinner for two went to a night out for three. _Shite! Maybe the universe was conspiring against me._

Three nights later, as we were getting ready for bed I realized that Anwen had been exceptionally quiet since she'd returned to London. I knew that she was tired from the schedule she had to keep, but it was more than that. Her question of me as I stepped out of the loo in my pyjama bottoms and tee shirt took me by surprise.

"You've been in a rather chipper mood lately," she announced. "Is there something going on that you're not telling me?" _I hated that she could read me so well. It was hard to hide anything from someone so perceptive._

"I'm glad that you're home," I told her. "You know that."

"You're certain it's not more than that?" She asked and I shook my head at her. Anwen stared at me; it was almost if she was trying to see through my skin and into my heart. I sat down on the bed and looked at her with the same intensity. She was wearing my old Quidditch jersey and when she stood it hung nearly to her knees. She'd rolled the sleeves up a couple of times so that her hands could poke out. She also had on a pair of pyjama pants under it and a pair of my socks that went up almost to her knees. The clothes looked like they could swallow her up. She had her feet tucked under her, knees up with the shirt hooked over them and her head resting on her knees. A lose ponytail held her hair away from her face, which appeared ever so sad.

I reached out ran finger over her cheek, trying to make her smile. She did, but it didn't reach her eyes at all.

"Winnie, what is it?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired. The show feels longer this year, even though it's exactly the same as always," she explained, but it still didn't feel like I was getting the whole truth. "Do you want to read or anything?"

"No, not tonight," I told her as I opened my arms. "Come here, Win." She scooted over and leaned into me. I could feel her tremble as I held her. I pulled her down under the blankets and then raised my wand to out the lights. I stroked down her hair and back, surprised just how hard it was to calm her tonight.

_This is just what I want, probably forever; Anwen letting go and feeling safe enough to fall asleep in my arms. She was so fragile, so easily broken, and yet most people didn't know it. How she stood with so many people depending on what her tiny shoulders could carry I didn't understand_. Her breathing was slowing, and I honestly considered telling her now, but I thought she might be asleep and confessing my love was something best done when she was awake. I closed my eyes and began to drift away when I heard her sweet voice calling to me in my slumber.

"Sirius, did you fall in love?"

"Most definitely," I answered her, seeing her in my dreams, arms open and awaiting me.

I slept like a dog and awoke refreshed. I reached over and realized that her side of the bed was empty, but I wasn't surprised, I often slept later than she did. After I'd showed and dressed I headed downstairs to the kitchen. The only person sitting there was Moony.

"Where's Winnie?"

"She was up before I was. Left a note saying she was taking the coach into work, claiming it gave her a time to think," he explained. "Do you think she's acting odd lately?"

"Yes," I replied enthusiastically. "I tried to talk with her about it last night, but she just told me that the schedule with the show was getting to her. I don't know though, it seems like more than that. What do you think?"

"I definitely think there's something else bothering her, but I have no idea what it could be. Maybe her parents? I know that she's written them a few times, perhaps they're on her case again?" Moony suggested and I shrugged. _Anwen's parents were a bad trip, but I doubted that was it. She'd learned long ago that they weren't happy with her choices and she seemed to have made peace with it. That being said, I know how badly it stung when you were sure you were a disappointment to your Mum and Dad._

"I doubt it's that," I told him. "She wrote me last week that things were better with them. I don't think it's school either, although her course load is wicked. Maybe the girls know what's going on? Have you talked with Eva about it?"

"Yeah, um, we're not really speaking right now," he told me and I groaned.

"What happened this time?"

"Same old, same old," he told me. "She wants to shag, I tell her that I can't. I won't take the risk. She tells me I'm being stupid, I counter that I'm being cautious."

"You have got to be the only bloke with an easy lay that won't take it," I told him. "I'm with her on this one. You can't make her like you unless you bite her while you're in wolf form. Now, Eva being a wild thing in the sack wouldn't surprise me, it's always the quiet ones you've gotta watch out for the inner freak with, but shagging you while your all furry and wigged out, that's even more kinky than anything I could come up with." Moony groaned.

"Padfoot, do me a favour and leave your dirty mind out of my sex life."

"I think lack of sex life might be a better way to explain it," I joked back as I poured myself some tea and grabbed some bread to fry up. While it was cooking I attempted to figure out what I was going to do with myself today. Anwen had three shows, a school age show this morning and then the regular matinee and evening performance tonight. I wasn't even going to be the one picking her up, she'd arranged the trip home with Lily and James since they and her parents were going to see her sing tonight. I had tickets to go with Moony on the upcoming Saturday.

I decided that since she had to work all day, I'd take her lunch and surprise her. I went to her favourite noodle place down the road from the house and picked up the vegetable ones that she liked and the spicy beef ones that I liked and then ducked into the alley behind the shop to Apparate to the alley behind the concert hall. I knocked on the back door and one of the stage hands recognized me and let me in. I made my way down to where the changing rooms were and asked someone if they knew where she was. A girl who looked to be about the same age as Anwen said she'd call for her. It was quite a literal interpretation of the word, as she turned walked a few feet to a small hallway and yelled down it.

"Anwen, there's some hot bloke here for you." She then turned around and smiled at me with this sort of leering look in her eyes. It was unsettling as I couldn't figure out if she wanted to punch me or snog me. A minute later Anwen emerged from the hall, dressed in her concert ware. She seemed surprised to see me.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" I marvelled at how grown up she looked with her hair and make up done.

"Huh? Oh, I knew you had three shows today, so I brought you lunch. Your favourite noodles," I held the bag out in front of me.

"From Mister Lucky's?" I nodded in response to her question.

"Yum," she answered with a grin and a waggle of her eyebrows. It was the first time I'd seen her smile completely in days. It was a relief, but also somehow saddened me that it was over noodles and not me. "Come on, you can come back to my dressing room. I'm sharing one with Clara, and she's out with her parents right now."

She took my hand and I felt the familiar tingle climb my arm. I watched the faces of some of the other girls as we passed down the hall, and I was definitely getting stares and there were whispers as we passed. I heard Anwen groan with displeasure as she heard them as well. "Stupid girls," she muttered under her breath as we entered the small room she was sharing with her friend Clara. I knew they both had to change dresses during the show, and there were several costumes hung from high hooks along the wall and the lighted mirror table was littered with bottles, jars and tins of things I didn't recognize.

I picked up one that had some thick pale brown goo in it and gave it a sniff. It had the consistency of mud, but didn't smell like it. "What is all this stuff?"

Anwen took the pot from me and laid it back down. "That was stage make-up. It takes a lot of crap to look like this. Sit, Clara won't be back for a while," she explained and pointed at the only other chair in the room, she plopped down in what must have been hers; one of her old ratty sweaters was hanging off the back. She turned slightly and kicked the door closed. "Might keep the cackles out for a while, but they're going to want to know who you are and why you're in here with me." She sounded sad and resigned as she talked with me

I took the noodles and chopsticks out of the sack and handed hers to her, causing her to smile again. "I have been wanting some of these lately. Thanks."

"Hey, glad that I could help. How did the performance go this morning?" I asked before I dug into my container.

"About as well as a show in front of six, seven and eight year olds can go. They were bored and restless, none of us were really into it since it was so early." She sounded so unlike herself. This was someone who seemed to be unengaged with the world around her.

"Sorry, hope that this afternoon goes better."

"It should, at least the audience wants to be here," she explained and we went back to eating lunch in silence. It was a strange silence for us, usually they were comfortable, but today it was tense.

As she predicted, after about fifteen minutes the first knock came to her door and when she opened it there were four girls on the other side. Anwen played dutiful hostess, introducing me as a school friend. They were followed by another bunch about five minutes later and the final group ten minutes after that. We'd finished our meals by that time, and as I was about to confront her again about what was bothering her, causing her to be so distant, Clara returned. We had already met several times, and I fell into a pleasant conversation with her and her parents. Unfortunately, it killed the rest of the time Anwen had before her second show. I offered to stick around and take her out for dinner, but she assured me that she would be fine, having packed herself a meal earlier today that she'd intended for lunch. She explained she'd just eat it for dinner. Before I left, I pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly to me.

"Anwen, little one, I know that something is bothering you," I said gently in her ear. "Tonight we will talk about it. Remember, we promised there would be no more secrets." I could feel her nod against me so I released her and kissed her crown before slipping out of her dressing room and then the theatre and Disapparating home.

The afternoon dragged on. Moony left very late, stating that he had some people he needed to visit for the Order. That was usually his code for his going to see other werewolves to try to persuade them to side with us, rather than Voldemort. He'd had some success in convincing newly bitten wolves to reject the darker aspects of their nature and instead working to be 'civilized'. I prattled around the empty house, knowing Anwen wouldn't be home until at least ten. I finally settled down to review the advanced charms text that Dumbledore wanted me to study, since he wanted to come up with some counter-charms for ones that we knew the Death Eaters were using. The sound of the backdoor opening and then closing a little after eight surprised me. A moment later, Eva walked into the sitting room.

"He's not here, Eva," I told her, not even putting my book down. I figured that she'd just turn around and go back out again.

"I know. I'm here to talk with you. I need your help, Sirius."

"No, there is absolutely no way that I am getting involved in this mess between you and Moony," I said as the text went to my lap and I was holding my hands up in front of me.

"Sirius, please," she begged. "You know you're closer to him than James or Peter. You live with him. Please, tell me what I have to do to get him to get over this irrational fear of his." I couldn't believe that I was going to have to discuss Moony's sex life with the girl who wanted to be his sex life. _Hell, I can't get my own straightened out, what makes her think I'd be of any use with anyone else's?_

"Flattery will get you nowhere," I drolly answered. She just stood there, hands on her hips staring at me. She wasn't going to budge until I helped her. "Fine, sit down and you tell me your side of the story. I already know his tune by heart."

We sat there for a good half hour, and I listened to her recant, very tactfully, the different ways she'd attempted to seduce one of my best mates. I also listened to how he was always able to put her off. _I know that I'm celibate right now, but that's by choice. I don't want any until it's with Anwen. He's got no good reason to be so. What a smeggy git._

"Eva, honey, he's convinced that he's going to hurt you, and until you convince him that he isn't, there is simply no way he'll change his mind," I explained to her.

"Sirius," she began but she couldn't go any farther as she started to cry, "I love him. I want to spend my life with him. I don't care about..." she put her face in her hands and started to weep. I'd always liked Eva; she was a good foil for Moony and had always been a friend to Anwen. I got up, letting my text fall to the floor and sat next to her on the couch. She fell into me sobbing. I held her for a few minutes, and she'd just started to calm down when the back door slammed again.

"Padfoot," Moony yelled. Eva stiffened in my arms at the sound of his voice.

"Go up to my room and shut the door, I'll be up in a few," I told her and she nodded and quietly ran up the stairs. I got up and met Remus in the kitchen.

"You're back earlier than expected."

"One of the people I wanted to meet with was arrested and thrown into Azkaban. Apparently, new regulations were passed this week by the Wizengamot that allows suspected werewolves to be taken in if they are in any way 'a threat to the wizarding population in their area'. That includes walking down the street you've lived on for ten years. The potential for possible violence is enough to get you locked up and the key thrown away. The only reason that I'm left alone is that we live in a Muggle neighbourhood and Dumbledore has vouched for me," he grumbled.

"That's crap!" I yelled.

"No, it's how most people see me, Pads." Moony reached into the icebox and took out the bottle of Firewhiskey I kept there and started drinking straight from it. That was usually my job. I knew that life was hard for him, but now to have to worry about being arrested whenever he set foot in anywhere in the wizarding world, it totally sucked.

I grabbed two glasses and followed him out into the sitting room. I was attempting to figure out how to help him drown his sorrows, go upstairs and make sure Eva was alright and be prepared when Anwen got home tonight so that I could talk with her. I poured myself three fingers and drank it right down. Relationships were not my thing, and here I was having to work on other people's. I couldn't even get my head around mine. I poured us each another glass and put the bottle up on the mantle.

"I've gotta check something upstairs, I'll be right back," I told him before I took the stairs two at a time. When I got to my room Eva was lying on my bed, looking like she'd cried herself to sleep. At least I wouldn't have to deal with her for a while. I decided to let her sleep for a few minutes. Maybe I could get Remus to fall asleep so I could get Eva out of the house, or at least out of my bedroom.

I went back down to the sitting room and listened to Moony rail against how werewolves were treated and just how shitty a life it was. I kept myself to the one glass of whiskey I'd had, although Moony just kept on drinking. He finally started to pass out and I figured it was time to get him up to his room so I could sneak Eva out. I had no idea what time it had gotten to, but it had to be rather late and Anwen would be home soon. She'd avoid talking to me if she saw Remus drunk the way he was now, she'd instead insist on taking care of him.

I dragged him up the stairs and got him onto his bed, taking off his shoes and leaving a "Pepper-Up" potion phial next to his bed for morning. I'd had to use it more mornings than I cared to count; it was the least I could do to leave some for him. I took off his shoes and shut his door, knowing he was out for a good long while.

I went back into my room and gently woke Eva, explaining to her what had happened. She was embarrassed that she'd fallen asleep, but I told her not to worry about it.

"Look, Eva, he's a rational guy. Get him proof from somewhere that he can't infect you, and he'll believe it. I know there are places where his kind aren't as feared. Look and see if someone has studied relationships between the infected and the not. I think it's going to take an appeal to his intellect, since clearly his heart and body won't take the lead," I joked. We were talking quietly and I could have sworn that I heard the back door open and close again, but there wasn't any other noise, so I guessed I was wrong. We talked a while longer and Eva agreed to take my advice and search for something to appeal to his thinking side.

When we left my room, I could see that the light was on in Anwen's bedroom and her door was shut. _Dammit, I wanted to greet her when she got home. Oh well, at least we'll be able to talk when she comes to bed._

Eva thanked me and gave me a hug goodbye. I cleaned up the glasses and bottle and then locked the house up for the night. I was surprised when I got back upstairs that Anwen wasn't in my room, it was just as I'd left it a few minutes before. I turned around and looked at her room. The lights were off and the door was shut. I turned the knob and peeked in and there she was, lying on her side, facing away from me, her body gently rising and falling with her slow breaths. She'd fallen asleep in her own room. I couldn't remember the last time that she'd been home and not shared my bed.

"Anwen," I whispered, but there wasn't any movement on her part. "Anwen are you awake?" Still no answer.

I gently closed her door and went to my room and shut the door. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut by her going to sleep in her own bed. I knew it was stupid, but it still hurt. I changed for bed and momentarily considered going down and climbing in with her, but she had a very small bed in there, and I was certain that I'd hang off the end of it. In the end I climbed into my large bed, alone, again contemplating how another day had passed without telling Anwen of my feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Christmas 1978**

I was waiting just inside the stage door on Christmas Eve, waiting to take Anwen home from her last show of the season. She'd done six of them in the last two days, and I could see in her face as I'd watched today that she was completely exhausted. I had a horrible time spending any time with her while she had been home. She always had somewhere that she needed to be when she wasn't at the concert hall. Shopping down on Essex Road, the main drag near our home for Christmas gifts and I couldn't accompany her. Going to see someone or another at the Ministry regarding some research she was doing. Even having Lily take her to Wales to see her family and deliver her Christmas gifts. The only time I saw her was when I persuaded her to come to bed at night, at which she promptly fell asleep before we'd really discussed anything. She even curled up as far away from me as she could. She might has well have been in her room. If I was suspicious about her avoiding me when she first arrived home, I was certain about it now.

A few of the other girls from the Opera school passed me on their way out, half of them pointing and tittering and the other half making eyes at me. _This might be the first time that having a girl look interested in me has made me feel ill._ I was still contemplating that when Anwen came walking toward me. She had her school bag and her train case that held her make up and things. She'd kept her make-up on and her hair was still piled and curled on her head and she looked so lovely.

"Hey, little one, you were amazing today, and you look so beautiful," I told her as I wrapped my arms around her to hug her. She felt stiff in my arms. I had no idea what I'd done, but I had to have upset her somehow.

"Thanks, Sirius," she said quietly. "I'm ready to leave if you are."

"Sure, do you want to go home? Or would you like to go out? It's still early, we could go somewhere, get you some supper, I know you didn't really eat between shows today..." I trailed off as she shook her head.

"I'm fine, I haven't really wanted to eat much lately," she explained. "But if you're hungry, I'd be glad to go with you. Although, it's Christmas Eve, I don't know what will still be open."

"There are always pubs open, Win, come on, let's go get some supper." I pleaded with her and I saw her finally smile at me.

"Fine, we can go to the pub and get some food," she told me while shaking her head.

"Give me your stuff and put your coat on, I'll shrink it and stow it on the bike," I whispered to her.

"You drove tonight?" Her face was contorted into a nervous cringe.

"It's warm for December. I thought you'd like going through a drive, looking at all the city lights? I know how much you enjoy it," I suggested and she warmed up a little more.

"You know, if I didn't know you so well I'd think you were trying to butter me up for something," she teased. _ How correct she was. I was going to learn what was bothering her and then I was going to tell her that I loved her. What a better Christmas gift could there be than my sweet girl?_

"Naw, just wanted to see you smile," I told her which caused her to break out in one of her beloved face swallowing grins followed by her pinching her bottom lip between her teeth again. When it popped out from between them it was red and full and all I could think about was rubbing my tongue along it.

"Come on," she said as she pulled her pea coat on and buttoned it up. There was no one in the alley so I was able to reduce her things and slipped them into the side saddle on the bike. I climbed on and steadied the bike so that she could get on behind me. I felt her slide on and then slip her arms around me, her hands slipping into the pockets of my jacket and then gripping my torso with her arms. My breath caught when she laid her head onto my back and sighed.

The bike roared to life and I moved us out into traffic. I knew Anwen wasn't always happy with my driving, so I kept to the speed limit and didn't weave in and out of traffic as much as I would have if I was alone. Truth was, I didn't want the drive to end too quickly; I liked how it felt to have her holding onto me. We'd only gone a few blocks when I saw that the _Dog and Duck_ was still open, and festive music was spilling out from the old pub into the street. I parked on a side alley and turned the motor off.

"Thought that the party there looked like fun," I told her as she got off.

"Sounds good, just remember you have to get us home, I won't drive that thing." She was sceptical of the bike, although I assured her that if she could fly a broom, she'd have no issues with the motorbike, but she didn't believe me.

I got out and with my back turned to the street I slid my wand out and put the locking charm on it. Couldn't even hot wire it when I was done. It also kept Anwen's things safe in the pouch on the side. I put the wand back into my pocket, pulling my jacket down over it and took my little one's hand in mine.

"You know, I haven't really talked with you all week. How was your trip to see your family?" I wanted to see something had happened in Wales that had upset her.

"It was fine," she explained. "They were very kind to Lily, much kinder than they ever are to you when you take me out to visit."

"Ah, but your Da isn't convinced that Lily is corrupting your morals," I reminded her. Mr. Hodgson had some rather strong words for me when I last saw him. He didn't want his daughter being 'used' by an older boy. It took all my strength not to point out that he had effectively given away that right to question me so when he signed her guardianship over when she was twelve.

"Yes, well, my morals are just fine," she very dryly, almost angrily added. I decided that getting into a discussion about her parents wasn't the best in public. No matter how hard she tried to convince me otherwise, I knew that Anwen was still hurting over how her parents had treated her.

By some small miracle I found us an empty booth and we quickly slid in. Winnie seemed to relax a little when she sat down, and when the waiter came through she surprised me by ordering cider rather than sticking with her usual soda water when we went out. I got a pint and he left us with some menus.

"You're drinking?"

"It's Christmas Eve and I've worked all day," she explained without looking up. She then mumbled something about 'liquid courage' that I couldn't quite make out, but it made me nervous. _She is acting so strangely lately. I wish I knew what was bothering her and how to fix it._

When our drinks arrive we were asked if we were ready to order. I hadn't even looked at the menu, but we were in a pub, I knew what to get.

"Bangers and Mash," I said, knowing that no self-respecting pub didn't have it on its menu.

"The duck, thank you," she told him, handing him back the menu. When he'd left I cocked an eyebrow at her. She usually ate much lighter when we were out places.

"If I've got to watch you shovel bangers and mash, I'm going to need something more substantial on my stomach," she teased and I laughed with her. She took a long sip of her cider and looked at me. Her eyes were sad and probing at the same time. I reached across for her hand.

"What is it? Please, tell me why you're so sad." She took a deep breath and let it out before averting her eyes.

"I always knew this day would come," she told me quietly. "I figured that you'd tell me, instead of having me figure it out on my own, but, it doesn't matter now. I guess I just need to know if you want me to move out." I couldn't follow what she was talking about, but the words 'move out' had no business being spoken from her lips. _What the hell was she saying? What does she think she's figured out? _

"What? Why would you move out?"

"Sirius, I can't imagine your girl wants me living with you, much less sharing your bed anymore. I've dreaded that this day would come. I figured I'd be better prepared for it. I tried to give you more space this week," she confessed before she took another drink. _Wait a minute, why was she giving me space this week? What does she mean not sharing my bed? I want her to share my bed, heck I don't want her to ever get out of my bed. What girl is she talking about? I haven't been with any girls since the last night at Hogwarts. I woke up not remembering what had happened and having Moony tell me that I left with the Thompson Triplets and had no clue what I'd done. It scared me and left me sworn off women, and headed to St. Mungo's for a check-up. How has Anwen gotten it into her head that there's a girl?_

"What girl, Anwen?" She wasn't making sense, but it definitely would have explained her mood and actions this week.

"Whoever it is you're in love with. I asked you the other day, if you'd fallen in love and you told me you had. I could tell already, but I needed to know for sure," she explained and I thought back trying to remember when she'd asked me this. _Shite, that wasn't a dream, that really was her asking me._

"Then, I got home the other night and I heard her in there with you, the whispered tones and your bed was a mess when you'd left to take her home or wherever. I'm sorry I hid, but I just wasn't ready to meet her yet," she told me, her words becoming more halted and her eyes glassing over. _She thought that I'd been shagging that night? That's why she didn't come to bed?_

"I really am happy for you, and I can't wait to meet her." Her face betrayed her words. _But that's my little one. She puts everyone else's happiness above her own. Wait, she's wrong though, you've got to get her to understand._

Before I could speak our meals came and Anwen slid her hand out from mine so she could begin to eat. She was staring at her dinner, but I could see the tears dropping down from her eyes.

"Anwen, you have no idea how wrong you are." I told her plainly.

"Oh, so it was just," she paused, "recreational?" _Great, now she thinks that I'm just shagging._

"No, Anwen, look at me," I demanded and with what appeared to be some deep effort she did as I asked. "Little love, that was Eva in my room."

"You're sleeping with Eva? I know that she and Remus are on the outs but..."

"No, I am not doing anything with Eva." She was making me irritated now. "She's in love with Remus, but he's being a wanker, again. She came over the other night while he was supposed to be out to talk with me. She was really upset because he refuses to believe that he can't infect her. Unfortunately, he came home early and she didn't want him seeing her so upset, so I sent her to my room to calm down. She fell asleep and what you heard, that hushed conversation, was me waking her up to either get her home or give her your room, since I knew you'd be back soon. Believe me, I am not shagging Eva."

Anwen was gobsmacked. She dropped her fork and it clanged against her plate, but with all the revelry in the pub, no one noticed. She put her hands over her mouth and started shaking her head.

"I was so sure," she confessed. "After your profession the other night, I was positive that you'd found a new girl and that you were in a relationship. Oscar Wilde was right; making assumptions definitely makes you an ass." I nearly spit my food out at her bluntness. I choked the bite down.

"Winnie, you're not an ass," I corrected her while chuckling. "You know, instead of avoiding me all week, you could have just come and talked to me about it?" She blushed.

"In my head I knew that, but, I guess I thought if I didn't bring it up, it wasn't real," she explained. "In some way, I always thought that maybe...I promise, the next time I'm convinced that you're in love I'll come and speak to you about it.

"Why did it make you so upset?" I probed, hoping that her answer would give me the opening that I'd been waiting for. She shook her head.

"It's silly."

"I doubt that." She hesitated again and then took another gulp of her cider.

"I guess that there's part of me that thought maybe, when I was finally old enough there might be something...I mean we're always together and you said you wanted to kiss me on your birthday and..." she wouldn't look at me, and while she hadn't actually come out and said it, I could see what she was dancing around. _Holy shite, she was thinking along the same lines I was._ _This is it, I finally had my moment._ I grabbed both her hands.

"Look at me, little one," I demanded and she brought her face up to mine. I'd only seen her this vulnerable a handful of times in all the years we'd known each other. "What if I told you I thought the same thing? What if I thought you were old enough and that I think we should have a go at this?" Her face when white and her eyes were looking at me like I'd grown a second head. She looked down at my glass and then back up to me.

"You weren't drinking before you picked me up tonight?" _Great she thinks this is some drink-induced shite on my part._

"Anwen, I'm sober and I'm telling you the truth. I think that we'd be really good together. I think we've both known that for a while." She swallowed hard.

"We could be, or it could be a complete disaster. What if that happens? Where am I going to go? Back to Wales? Move in with James and Lily? If it were to fall apart..."

"Why do you think it will fall apart, Winnie?"

"Sirius, you're nineteen, I'm fifteen, at some point this will end. I have a hard time contemplating my life without you in it, but..." _ I couldn't believe this, I'd finally gotten to tell her what I have been wanting to say for months, and she's talking about our breaking up. How could we break up when we haven't even gotten together? She's effing crazy. I need to get her to stop thinking and just feel for a change. It's the first time her big brain has been a problem._

"Anwen, stop. You're discussing us breaking up and we haven't even gotten together."

"Oh, I guess I am." She looked away. "Sirius, please don't take this the wrong way, but it scares me."

"What does?" _I needed to know what was going on in her head._

"Getting involved with you," she confessed. "It's not you, exactly, but it's everything that goes with it. It means lots of things that I haven't ever had to think about before. You're older, certainly more experienced, you're done with school and I have over a year left. I don't know what you expect from me." _She'd been thinking about this, but instead of it making her excited, it seemed to make her terrified. I need to put her at ease._

"My little love, you are over-thinking things. What if we just take it day by day and see what happens?"

"Slow, we've got to take it very slow," she begged. "This is very new territory for me. I've only ever been infatuated with a boy before, and we both know how that ended." _Okay, now I'm being compared to that ponce Matthew. He had no idea what to do with a girl as great as my little one and it showed. Why in the world would you be making out with another girl in the Potions lab when you had perfection already waiting for you? Stupid git, then again, she's free to see me because he messed up so maybe he wasn't so bad._

"Anwen, I'll tell you what, you take the lead," I told her, cringing inwardly that I'd have to follow her, but I knew it was what would make her more comfortable. "I won't push you. You decided what changes between us. Would that make you feel better?"

"It would," she confessed, "even if that means nothing changes much for a while?"

"You let me call you my girl, and I can wait, sweetheart." She smiled and nodded.

"I'd really like that."

"Good, now, eat up while it's still hot," I told her and she dove into her duck with a gusto that I hadn't seen her have around food since she arrived home ten days ago. A few minutes passed and my plate was nearly bare when she looked up, her face surprised.

"Wait, so when you told me that you'd fallen in love the other night, you were talking about me?" _Holy shite! For a smart girl, she could be really unobservant. _I nodded at her. "Oh." She then went back to eating and the whole interchange left me surprised.

As we were just about finished eating, a group of patrons began playing a reel on their guitar, violin and hand organ.

"Sirius, dance with me?" she nearly begged and I knew from the Yule Ball last year that she did know how to pull off a reel quite well.

"Since I have the prettiest date in the bar, why not?" I slid out and gave her my hand which she happily took and we went to join the dancing. My drink had not intoxicated me at all, but dancing with my little one certainly did. I relished when I was able to take her in my arms and spin her around. I also couldn't help but notice that nearly every man in the bar had their eyes on her. It made me feel rather possessive and jealous. The thing was, she was my girl, really my girl. I was thankful when the reel was over, and they started to play something slower. It gave me an excuse to hold her tight, my lips ghosting over her forehead as they'd done so many times before, but tonight they were a warning sign telling all that she was with me, and no one had better try to take her away.

"You know, you're garnering far more attention than I'd like," I told her and she rolled her eyes.

"You're being silly," she told me. "I'm quite certain that it's you they're looking at."

"Little one, every man in this room was watching you dance and I could tell from their eyes they wished that it was them dancing with you."

"Well, I'm quite happy right where I am," she told me as she pulled far enough back to look at me. "I'm in the arms I want to be in," she whispered before she laid her head on my chest.

A few minutes later we sat back down, Anwen yawning from exhaustion. I wanted to get her home and to bed. We paid the bill and headed out into the night. She held onto me tighter this time, her hands not in my pockets and holding onto my middle now, but on my hips instead. The feeling was far more intimate, I didn't know if she realized she'd done it, but I wasn't going to complain.

The streets were nearly bare, only when we passed a church were there any signs of life. The clock tower on the large church on New Road chimed out midnight as we turned off Essex, nearly home. I parked the bike in the garage and we walked through the garden to the back door.

Anwen was quiet as she kicked off her shoes and left them by the back door. I hadn't realized how tall her heels were until they were gone, and she was suddenly three inches shorter. I took her coat and hung it up on a hook and then removed mine and did the same.

"I'll go and change and meet you in a few?" She asked and I nodded. I removed my boots and tossed them aside and quickly went to change. When I emerged from the en-suite loo, Anwen was already sitting on the bed in a set of deep red silky pyjamas. She lifted her hand to me and I took it, when I was seated, she got up on her knees, so our faces were the same height. Her hands ran over my face, one finger tracing the scar that was knit into my eyebrow. Her fingers were so soft as she ran them over my cheeks, down my neck and to my shoulders. Her eyes were boring into me; it was almost as if she was searching for an answer to a question she never asked.

She then took my hands and then leaned forward and I let my eyes close. My little one kissed my forehead, then both my eyes, then my cheeks and finally her sweet lips brushed against my own. She took my top lip between hers and slowly kissed me again. I restrained myself from deepening the kiss, knowing that she was breaking the ice on her own terms. It was the single most sensuous kiss of my life.

"I love you, too," she whispered and I opened my eyes as she settled her bum back onto her feet and reached for the blankets to pull them down. We climbed into bed together, and she curled her body into mine. There was nothing inherently different about it, but it felt like a bridge had been crossed and I couldn't have been happier.

I awoke before she did on Christmas morning, and lay next to her, watching her sleep. The memory of her sweet kiss was still on my lips. _I wonder if she'd let me kiss her more today. I also wonder how she was going to handle telling our friends. I want to climb on the roof and yell it to the world, but knowing Anwen, she'll want to be more understated about letting people know. She might even want to just keep it to herself for right now. Whatever she wanted, that's what I'd give her. That she's even giving me a chance..._I felt myself get excited about it, and coupled with how I usually awoke, I realized I was sporting a larger than usual problem. I was usually successful in keeping it from Anwen by rolling on my side and facing away from her, or flipping over onto my stomach, but if I did either of those things today I wouldn't be able to see her awaken. I had every intention of telling her I loved her as she fluttered awake today and every day she was with me. _Shite man, you're turning into a whipped wanker and you've only been with her for a few hours._ I blew off my inner voice, instead liking that I was wrapped around Winnie's little finger.

Her eyelids fluttered open and when she saw me she blushed and smiled simultaneously.

"Good morning, love," I told her with a kiss of her forehead. "I love you and Happy Christmas."

"Good morning to you. I love you, too and Happy Christmas." There was an almost dreamy look to her face this morning. It was like staring into the face of an angel. "Last night really happened, didn't it? We're really together?"

"Yes, little one, last night really happened," I nearly laughed at her disbelief. "What... did you think you'd just dreamed it?"

"Yes, I mean, it was something that I'd dreamed of before, and I just wasn't sure."

"Would it be okay if I kissed you again?" She bit her lip and I had to stifle a groan at the sight. She nodded and I leaned in watching her face as I got closer. I knew I had to take this slow, I wasn't sure how much she'd done with Matthew, but I was fairly certain it wasn't much. I gently kissed her once, a simple kiss, no movement, just lips meeting lips. I pulled back and did it again, this time sucking lightly on her top lip before pulling away. Anwen shifted slightly, and I decided not to press my luck any further, at least not right now. _Still going to need those cold showers, damn._

Anwen giggled and I looked at her, wordlessly questioning her. "I just can't believe that we're really together. This is the Happiest Christmas of my whole life."

"I'm glad that you feel that way," I answered. Her giddiness was catching. "What do you want to tell the others?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I like that it's our secret, but at the same time, you're awful at keeping secrets."

"I am not," I feigned anger and she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Really, when exactly did James tell you that he was going to propose to Lily?"

"That afternoon."

"Right, turns out that Remus had known for three weeks. Even your best mate knows that you'd have spilled the beans," she laughed as she spoke. "How about this, we act however we want and see if they figure it out." _It wasn't yelling from the rooftops, but at least she wasn't going to hide it._

Everyone was coming here for dinner, including Lily, Eva and Peter's parents. Lily was coming mid-afternoon to help Anwen with the meal, but I knew that she was excited about preparing a meal for a whole group. She begged me to wait until everyone was here to exchange gifts, and I agreed, although I wasn't happy about it. I wanted to give her one of her presents in private. I decided to wait until we were alone tonight to do so.

I helped her in the kitchen, doing magic for her when she couldn't. Remus was watching us very carefully. When he was around, she was careful with her interactions. When we were alone, however, she kissed me twice more.

"Did I tell you how handsome you look today?" She asked at one point. I dressed hoping to impress her, wearing a pair of the trousers that I'd gotten when Eva and I went shopping as well as a one of the dress shirts, sleeves rolled to the elbows of course, and the leather vest that Winnie had made me. I also had the pocket watch prominently displayed, since she'd very carefully put a watch pocket onto the vest.

"You haven't, but I'll take the compliment," I answered before I wrapped my arms around her. She was wearing the dark green off-the-shoulder blouse she'd worn on my birthday with a deep red velvet skirt. "You, my sweet love, look simply stunning. I didn't say it the last time you wore that blouse, but it is so beautiful on you. When you wore it last, all I could think about was kissing up your shoulders and neck." I proceeded to do just that. I also ran my hands up and down her back, and confirmed that she wasn't wearing anything underneath it, again.

"Do you know what it does to me to know that you're not wearing anything under that blouse," I whispered in her ear. "I find it very distracting." Anwen sighed in a very sensual way, and I wondered if I could just send everyone away and take her back upstairs.

"Maybe I should go change?" she asked in a way that let me know that I'd made her uncomfortable.

"You don't need to," I told her as I loosened my hold on her, "and I promise to behave myself tonight."

"Good."

Within an hour, everyone was here and the mulled wine, butterbeer and whiskey were flowing. Good thing too, since Remus and Eva were uncomfortably moving around each other. Dinner was excellent and we were laughing heartily as the gifts were exchanged. Peter and his parents were acting a bit fidgety, but when I cornered him in the kitchen he said everything was fine.

Anwen had gotten me a new pair of gloves for when I was flying, as well as knitting me a thick scarf and hat that would go with either my cloak or my jacket. She also gave me an antique pair of cufflinks with the Gryffindor crest on them. She'd purchased them from the second hand store in Hogsmeade that she'd gotten my watch at. They apparently were from the same estate.

We were sharing her favourite reading chair as she opened my first gift. When I'd seen it in a vintage book store, I knew that I had to buy it for her. It was a very large wall chart tracing all the families of Shakespeare's plays.

"Sirius, this is amazing," her fingers were tracing the hand done lines of calligraphy and artwork of the hanging. "Thank you," she told me, tears in her eyes as she leaned in and kissed me gently. When she realized what she'd done, she put her fingers to her mouth and looked at everyone else. "I guess the secret's out, huh?"

"And you were worried that I couldn't keep a secret."

"You finally told her?" Prongs exclaimed and I nodded. The consensus was this was a good thing and everyone was happy. I gave Anwen the emerald earrings that I bought after I'd seen her in that blouse the first time. She removed the small gold hoops she was wearing and put the emeralds in. She didn't even ask if they were real.

It was nearly midnight when nearly everyone had left. Remus and Eva were still down in the sitting room, but if they were discussing what I thought they were discussing, I wanted nothing to do with that talk. Anwen went to her room to change while I changed in my loo. I had one last present for her, and it was in my hands when she came in wearing a nightgown with a neckline similar to the one from her green blouse. I groaned when I saw her and how absolutely beautiful she was.

"Lily gave this to me," she explained as she held the flowing skirt with her hands. "I can go and change if you would prefer..."

"Don't. You. Dare."

She blushed.

"Come here," I beckoned and she padded over and climbed onto the bed. "I wanted to give you this when we were alone." I handed her the present, bought at the same time as her wall hanging. It was an old copy of Shakespeare's sonnets. She opened it and found my inscription.

"_Lovely words for the one I love. Happy Christmas my little one. Always, Sirius."_

"Oh, Sirius," she whispered before she brought her lips to mine. "I will treasure it always."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my lap before I kissed her thoroughly. All I could think about was that today was perfection.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Hi to everyone who is reading this. This chapter is a little different than the rest, but please keep in mind, I'm not known for writing happy fluffiness. Thanks for sharing your time with my writing. I really do appreciate it. MNF**

**Chapter 5:**

**New Year's Eve 1978**

The week following Christmas might have been the best one of my life. I figured out either exactly how little Anwen had done with Matthew when she never got my clues to open her mouth while kissing me so that my tongue could slip between her lips. Or she way playing coy and was intentionally keeping our kissing very chaste. At this point I wasn't willing to say which it was, but at least I was kissing her._ I haven't been known for being patient with girls, which isn't something I'm proud of. Anwen is very different, I have no desire to rush her, or push her at all. She wants to take the lead, it's fine with me._

She was lounging against me on the sofa in the sitting room, a Transfiguration text open in her lap as she was reading. I was reading _The Prophet_ which was hovering in front of me. I had been gently caressing her back as she read, and I finally let my hand slip to her skin under her jumper. She sighed loudly at the contact. Ignoring the paper, I began to kiss her neck and up to her ear.

"Sirius, I haven't read at all this week," she chastised me. "Please, if we're going out tonight, I should at least finish this chapter."

"Anwen, you don't have to go back to Hogwarts until next Sunday, please, put the book away," I attempted to coerce her into spending some time kissing me instead.

"No, I need to revise. Let me get this chapter done and then I'm yours for the rest of the day," she promised, and I decided that it was better to let her get her work finished. The gang was meeting at the Cauldron tonight to celebrate. It would be the first time that Winnie and I would be out in the wizarding public as a couple. We'd been out in the neighborhood several times, but living where we did, we rarely came upon other witches or wizards.

Moony was nervous about going out tonight due to the newly revised werewolf regulations. Prongs and I promised him that the Ministry officials would have to step over our dead bodies before they could take him, but I wasn't sure that helped him at all. In a last ditch effort to quell his nerves, Lily had made him a Portkey that would take him directly to Potter Manor should there be any problems, and he seemed to calm. The manor's location was completely hidden and Unplottable. Additionally, the Floo and wards were set so only the select could get through. It was the safest place for him, should he need it. They were even discussing having him move into the gatehouse permanently as to give him another layer of safety. I hated that the world had come to this.

"Hey," Anwen looked up at me, her gentle hand on my cheek. "Where did you go?"

"Just thinking about Moony. It's not fair what's being done to him," I explained. Anwen nodded.

"Honestly, lumping them all together like lepers. It's almost worth going into wizarding law just so I could argue for him," she told me with a fierce determination.

"Is that something that interests you? Becoming a solicitor?" We hadn't really talked about what she'd do when she was done with school. I'd never considered a career, instead choosing to work for the Order full time. It wasn't like I needed a salary.

"Perhaps," she confessed. "There are other things that interest me as well. I have time to make a decision." She closed her book and let it slide to the floor. "However, I told you if you let me finish reading I would be all yours and you let me get my reading done. So what was it you wanted to do, love?" She had the most wicked glint in her eyes. I lifted her up and twisted her around so that she was now lying on her back and lowered myself so that I was covering her. She bit her lip again, which I felt all the way to my groin.

"You know, when you do that to your poor bottom lip, all I can think about is kissing it better," I told her before I did exactly that.

The Cauldron was packed by ten o'clock. Thankfully we'd arrived much earlier and had secured a large booth toward the back of the bar. I felt bad for Wormtail. Here he was out with three couples and I could tell that he felt left out, especially since Anwen and I were now officially together and Moony and Eva had reconciled. I didn't feel bad enough to have my little one sit anywhere but on my lap, however.

I couldn't help but notice that several of my former girlfriends were here tonight as well, and they were all looking at us strangely. About half the girls I'd been involved with blamed Anwen for our break-ups, although I'd never told her that. I could see the looks on their faces as they passed. _I had been with two of them, Evelyn Ellerthrope and Raine Rosier and the third, Félicienne Séduire I think I only snogged. Shite, I wish I could take back some of my past right now._

I glared as much as I could without drawing my girl's attention to it. They passed, returning the looks, and I certainly didn't want them near my sweet girl. When Anwen was in some deep discussion with Eva about some band or something, Lily leaned over to speak with me.

"You're certainly getting the evil eye tonight. Good thing none of them have hexed you or her."

"I thought it might be bad, but I never suspected this," I confessed.

"Yes, well, just remember that your past is always there and you're never going to be free of it," she warned and I nodded. I was hoping that there wouldn't be any more past, just time with my Winnie.

Minutes before midnight I noticed there was a crowd gathering not far from me, all female, most I recognized, but not all of them. _I'm here with a date and they're circling like sharks smelling blood in the water. I'm not kissing anyone but Anwen._ I wrapped my arms tighter around her and gently kissed her as a warning that hers were the only lips I was interested in. _Maybe we should leave now and celebrate at home, in private?_ I would have grabbed her hand and taken her out and Apparated us home, had she not been having so much fun with Lily and Eva. Given the look on her face, I was sure she had no idea what had been going on around us.

The countdown to midnight began and I stood then lifted my girl up and held her to me, and when midnight struck I snogged her more strongly than I had yet. Her arms snaked around my neck and she held herself to me.

"Happy New Year, Sirius," she whispered to me when we broke apart to breathe. "May this year be full of surprises."

"Happy New Year, love. Thank you so much for giving me a chance," I replied before I kissed her again.

Prongs clearing his throat behind us made Anwen blush and dip her head down. "Thanks, brother, that was helpful," I griped.

"Just returning the favour from last year," he answered. Anwen loosened her hold on me, and turned to look at the girls.

"I really need to go to the loo, anyone want to come with?" _What is it with girls and using the toilet in groups? Are they incapable of going on their own?_

"Sure," Lily said and the two linked arms and headed off to where the restrooms were. In the meantime I went to the bar and ordered another round for everyone. As I was coming back I saw Anwen speed by and Lily trying to catch her. I went and put the drinks on the table and followed in the direction that I'd seen them headed it. I caught up with Lily in time to see the hem of Anwen's skirt disappear into the Floo.

"What the bloody hell happened? Where is she going?" I yelled at Lily.

"Sirius, some of your fan club over there followed us into the loo. They were talking about you and your conquests and saying some rather lewd things about what you'd done with them. They had to have known that Anwen was in there and that she'd hear everything. I heard her rush out and then their laughter after she was gone. I couldn't catch her," she explained.

"Where did she go?" I demanded.

"Hogwarts, through Professor Dumbledore's Floo. We can't follow her, it's a closed fireplace. He's obviously set it so she could get through, but I know that none of us can," she explained but that wasn't good enough.

"Lily, I've got to go to her, I've got to talk with her about this. I can go to the Broomsticks and then walk up to school from there," I told her as I went to grab the Floo powder.

"And then do what, Sirius? Stand outside her window and scream at her? I don't even know if there are any other Gryffindors that are staying through the holiday. She might not even be in the tower. Look, I heard what happened and I can talk with her, let me go and see if I can persuade her to come back to the manor with me?"

"Lil, she's my girlfriend," I reminded her tersely.

"Yeah, and it's your old girlfriends that just made a fool of her." I could tell Lily was really angry. What I couldn't tell was if it was directed at me or the girls, or both.

"If she's in Gryffindor Tower, you can't get up to her room. Please, let Eva and me go and talk with her, at least we should be able to get into the tower, especially if Professor McGonagall is around," she pleaded. I wasn't happy about it, but I decided to let her go, the plan did make more sense.

"Fine, but I'll be waiting to hear from you. I love her, Lil."

"I know, Sirius. I do want this, for both of you," she told me before she pulled me back to the table. She quickly explained what happened and she and Eva took off. The party mood was over and the rest of us decided to head over to the manor to wait for the girls to return. On our way to the back door and the Disapparation point, I ran into the trio of wicked witches.

"Something wrong with Anwen," Evelyn asked far too sweetly for her to truly be concerned. _What the hell did you see in her again?_

"Yeah, apparently she ran into a bunch of bitches," I answered, Prongs putting his hand on my arm. I wasn't sure if he was afraid that I'd hit them or hex them. _Either would be an improvement._

"Oh," Raine pouted, "didn't she know about your love of picking cherries, Sirius?"

"Raine, stay out of this. If I remember it correctly, you're the one that came onto me and begged me. It wasn't long after we were done that you took up with my brother, which told me more about your character than anything else had."

"Sirius, I can say from experience that Reg is much more of a man than you'll ever be." Her coquettish tone was nauseating.

"If you're so happy, then why did you do that to Anwen?"

"Because, Sirius, she was always in the way. You never gave any of us a real chance because of her. What, did she finally decide to put out, or are you just ready to be rid of her, too? Isn't that how it works, once you've shagged you say goodbye?" Evelyn was seething at this point. I had no idea she was this angry.

"Do me a favour, all of you, stay away from me and her." I started to push past them, the Marauders on my tail.

"You're wrong," a very cold voice said and I turned to look at Félicienne. "You shouldn't turn you back on us. You don't belong with her and you know it. Someday, you'll see." A chill passed down my spine at the harness in Felli's voice. _ I barely remember snogging her; I know it didn't go any further, what the hell is her damage?_

I stared at them for a long moment before turning and leaving. The closing words left me shaken. James must have noticed, because he grabbed me and took me with him to the front porch of the manor. Once inside he handed out glasses of whiskey and we sat in the front lounge to await the girls.

"Looks like you've got some rather pissed off exes there, Padfoot," Prongs said.

I ran my hands through my hair and looked at him. "I had no idea that they'd be like that," I confessed. "I know I made of a mess of things with lots of girls, but to taunt Anwen like that...I didn't think they'd be that cruel."

"Padfoot, have you ever told Winnie about them? All of them?" Moony asked and I shook my head. _ I assumed that I'd never have to, I mean, she was there, she saw me..._

"You're going to have to come clean with her, you know that, right?" he asked further. I didn't want to answer. _It took you months to finally be able to tell her the truth and what did we get? A week before it was shot to hell. _I wasn't going to dignify Moony's comments with a response.

I watched the clock tick by, and it moved slower than I'd ever remembered it moving in my life. Wormtail excused himself, saying he needed to get home before his Mum worried. Only one of us with parents anymore, and it seemed like he had less freedom now than he had at school. Moony and Prongs started a game of chess. I brooded. A few minutes before two I heard the Floo roar to life. I was up and headed to the hall as soon as the sound ripped through the lounge. Lily met me at the doorway and put her hands on my chest.

"Sirius, she's here, but she doesn't want to talk with you. It took everything that Eva and I could promise her to get her to come back with us. She finally agreed when we told her we'd keep you away from her," she explained sadly.

"I need to talk with her. Let me pass," I begged.

"Sirius, she knows you want to talk, she's just not ready. She's exhausted from crying. Go home tonight, and you can talk with her tomorrow. I promise. Give her a little space. This was a very hard night for her."

"I don't want to leave her."

"I know, but if you want this to work, you need to give her some space. She didn't just have your past thrown in her face; she heard things she never suspected. Give her a little time to adjust and calm down, Sirius. She does love you, but right now she's questioning if it's enough, and if she's enough for you. You burst in there now and you'll push her away, I'm certain of that."

"Come on," Moony said, "let's go home and get some sleep. Lily's right, Anwen just needs some time to think. You know that about her. She's going to be quiet and lost in thoughts anyway."

_I don't like it. I want to be up there fighting for her, telling her that whatever happened before, my life is different because of her. I suppose Lily is right, which I hate. It goes against everything to give Anwen room, but my instincts have never worked before, so I guess I should give her way an effing chance._

"Fine," I grumbled and Moony pulled me out back and Apparated us home. I didn't kick my boots off or anything, I just dragged my sorry arse up the stairs and slammed the door shut. The bed was made, because Anwen had made it this morning, and I pulled down the blankets, took off my boots, jeans and shirt and climbed in on her side. It smelled like strawberries and vanilla and I let her scent surround me as I fell asleep, thoughts of girls that I'd been with taunting me as I tried to slumber.

When I finally fell asleep I awoke not long after, vivid memories of my father shocking me awake. I didn't bother attempting to go back to sleep after that, instead watching out the window for the first light of day to come and rescue me.

Still against my nature, I waited for Lily to tell me to come over the next morning. It was almost half past ten before she summoned me. She told me she wanted to talk with me in the library before I saw my sweet girl. I knew I was in trouble as she shut the door.

"She's upstairs, and she wants to talk with you this morning, but there's a few things Eva and I think you should know. First, I've got to tell you what they said and you need to tell me if it's the truth, Sirius."

"Fine," I answered curtly. Lily proceeded to recount everything that the girls had said in the loo the night before. I felt like I wanted to be sick. All of it was true, but hearing it recounted in that way, like a potions ingredient list, it just made me feel disgusted in myself.

"Eva and I answered the questions we could, but I did need to go to my parents' house this morning to borrow a book from my father's medical library on sexual behaviour to answer some of her questions," Lily told me embarrassed and a second wave of nausea hit me.

_I put my head into my hands and wanted to weep, although I'd never show that kind of weakness in front of Lily. I finally had what I'd wanted my whole life, someone who actually loved me, and I have totally fucked it up. _

"Sirius, don't lose hope now," Lily said quietly. "Make sure there aren't any more surprises for her, and then listen to her. She is so powerfully in love with you, I don't think even she understands it completely." She got up and came over and put her hands on my shoulders. "Listen to her and do what she asks and you'll keep her and have a future. If you don't, you will push her out of your life."

I could hear her leave the room and I sat there stunned and disgusted for some indeterminate amount of time.

_She needed to consult a book on sexual behaviour? Does she honestly know that little or was what I've done before that strange? It was just a way to forget, to feel good, to feel wanted. No one told me that it was supposed to be any different. It certainly wasn't that summer with Bella's friend...what was her name again...Octavia Nott. I mean I was fourteen and she was twenty-one and promising to teach me things..._

I heard the door open and I looked up as Anwen came in. She must have been wearing a Lily's clothes as she had the cuffs rolled up on the pants and the shirt so that her hands and feet appeared. She looked tinier than usual.

"There are spells that I can do so the clothes fit you better," I told her as she came in, the sight of her making me smile, sort of. She cocked one lip up in response.

"I don't care."

She came in and sat across from me on the loveseat that Lily had been in. I started to get up to go sit with her, but she held her hand up to stop me.

"If I let you get too close...you have a way of messing up my train of thought when you're too close," she explained and I sat back down. "I'm sorry I ran out like that last night, it wasn't fair of me, I just didn't want them to see me crying."

"Anwen, I don't blame you. I had some choice words for them as we left," her eyes popped up to mine and she furrowed her brow. "I just let them know I thought it was cruel of them." She nodded in response.

"Oh."

There was a silence between us that was unlike any other. It was as if there was something alive in the room, sucking the life from us and pushing us away from one another. I could have sworn that I was having trouble breathing. I was thankful when Anwen finally spoke.

"Sirius, my feelings for you haven't changed, you need to hear me on that fact first. I still love you."

"There's a 'but' though, isn't there?" I asked, already hearing it in her voice.

"Yes. But I'm not sure that it or I am enough. I need to ask you some questions, and I need you to answer me honestly. Are you willing to do that?"

_What if I said no? What if I told her I never wanted to think about my past again and that it was dead to me because of her? _I lifted my head to look in her eyes and I could tell that evading her wouldn't be the right thing. She was being totally open and vulnerable to me, so I had to do the same.

"Fine, ask me your questions."

She did. From the exact number of girls that I'd been with to how many of them it was their first time to my participation in some of the randier nights I'd been a part of, Anwen asked me about them with a detachment that surprised me. Only once did I see any emotion in her eyes, and then it was pity. _You don't deserve her?_

I was doing well until she asked about my first time. I didn't want to tell her about it. Until I had struggled to come up with Octavia's name earlier I had all but blocked the memory from my mind.

"Anwen, it's not something that I like to think about," I confessed and she got up and crossed the room and settled herself on my lap. My whole body seemed to relax when she was in my arms and she laid her head on my shoulder.

"I think that's why you should tell me. Then it's not just your burden to carry alone anymore." She was so damned rational. I told her my story. I told her how we were all at the summer house and my parents insisted that I sleep there, not over at the Potter's house as I preferred. I explained how Mother ignored me, Father just hit and yelled at me. I was treated as a non-person even though they told me I had to be there. I explained how Octavia slipped into my bedroom at night and how she told me that she would love me if I did this with her. I explained how it happened night after night. I told Anwen how it hurt when I heard her and Bella laughing about me a few weeks later, and how Octavia left without so much as a goodbye.

Anwen didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. Her arms tightening around me and her warm tears on my shirt told me everything. The guilt and disgust I held against myself finally burst free and I cried with the only person I ever felt safe enough with to let my guard completely down around.

When the tears had finally stopped, I looked out the window and realized that the shadows were rather long. We'd been in here all afternoon, and night would soon be here.

"Anwen, what happens now?"

"Sirius, I need some time," she explained. "I need to get used to this idea of us being a couple and what all of that means. I need to be able to do something with all these thoughts swirling in my head. Can you give me a month?"

"You don't want to see me for a month?" I was confused. She still had a week before she had to go back to school. I wanted to spend every minute with her, before the stagnate stillness of my solitary life settled back in while she was away.

"Yes, I need some time without kissing and talk of your past clouding my head. I need to make sure that I can live with myself and I can live with who you've been. I'm sorry if that hurts you, I don't mean to, but you're asking a great deal of me..."

"No, Anwen, you're being very fair. A lot of girls wouldn't have even bothered after what you heard," I released her from her guilt. _She wasn't the one who'd._...I couldn't bring myself to finish the thought.

"We'll write like we always do, but just give me a little time to settle into the idea of us, or if I can't, how we go back to before, which I don't know if we can either."

"Anwen, I don't want to lose you over this!" I exclaimed, my arms tightening around her.

"I don't want to lose you either, which is why I'm asking for time, please?"

"You promise you'll still write?" I sounded pathetic, but I knew that life without her would be just that, pathetic. _Now that I had felt how good it was to have someone truly care, could I just let that go? Could I survive without it?_

"Every day, if that's what it takes. I think you might need your own owl, though, poor Midnight might get too tuckered out flying back and forth from Scotland to London," she joked and I nodded.

"I'll go buy one today."

"Sirius, it's dark out, I don't know if _Eeylops _is still open." I could hear the smile in her voice even though she hadn't lifted her head from my chest.

"Tomorrow, then."

"I think it will be easier if I spend the remainder of my holiday here with James and Lily, or even return to Hogwarts early," she explained.

"Please, don't do that. Stay at home, stay until you have to go back." Panic was rising in me at the thought of her being so close and yet not being with her.

"Sirius, if I stay at home, I'm going to...there will be just too many memories, too many things to bother me...I won't be able to process it all, I know I won't. I'll get angry and I'll lash out or do something that I regret. Please, let me stay here. I just need a way to cope on my own."

I knew words would fail me, so I nodded. She got up and then offered me her hand, which I took. I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around my mid-section and hugged me tightly, but I wasn't going to complain or waste the chance to hold her.

We left the library and told James and Lily that we were leaving and I took Anwen home and watched her pack up her things. She asked Remus to bring her back up to the manor, telling me that her resolve was weakening, even though she knew this was what she needed.

We stood in her small room and I could see the tears on her cheeks. I wiped them away with the pads of my thumbs, but new ones fell to replace them. Her small, well calloused hands slid into mine and she held on with a veracity that surprised me.

"I do love you," she choked out, "and I want this to work between us. Thank you for giving me what I've asked for. I just hope that you're still here when I'm ready."

"I'm not going anywhere, little one. Knowing that you love me, it's more than enough for now. It's far more than I deserve."

She loosened one of her hands and grasped my shirt and pulled me down to her and then kissed me. It was a kiss full of love and devotion and promise, chaste but passionate. It was a kiss full of hope. She broke away from me and released my hands and then grabbed her school sack from the desk and left.

When I heard the back door slam it felt as if my heart shattered with it, and I wondered when I might see her again so that it could be put back together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Hello, hope I didn't scare too many of you off with the angst in the last chapter. This one is still slightly angsty, but we're back to the sweet fluffiness with our favorite couple. Thanks to my beta, Arnel, just because she rocks and to all of you who are reading and reviewing. MNF**

**Chapter 6:**

**January 1979**

True to her word, Anwen did indeed write me every day. Some of her notes were just little ramblings about what she'd done, while others were more philosophical mutterings about where her head and her heart were. Two days before the January Hogsmeade day Anwen wrote and told me that the Headmaster had cancelled the trip into town. The winter had been brutal in Scotland, and the roads were snowed over, Anwen joked she was afraid she'd get lost in the snow, as there were places where the drifts went up to her chest. With the bitter cold temperatures everyone was being kept inside the castle. My mood didn't improve with this knowledge. I had planned on just "happening" upon her in town.

I also hadn't been called up to Hogwarts to meet with Dumbledore at all this month, and I couldn't help but wonder if Anwen had requested that I not be brought up so that she could have her month alone. If she mentioned it to Dumbledore, I had no doubt that he would heed her wishes. He seemed to be taking his job as her guardian very seriously lately. She wrote in one of her letters that she thought he was watching her too closely, like he was studying her. It made her uncomfortable sometimes. Moony, Prongs and I had discussed it, and they suspected that it was only due to her being his responsibility and that she was as talented as she is. I hoped that it was nothing further, such as the other side taking notice of her.

The Tuesday after what was to be Hogsmeade Saturday I was surprised when no letter came from her. I'd paced the house the whole day, awaiting the arrival Midnight, but he never arrived. I found it even more troubling when my new long-eared owl, Knight, returned from Hogwarts that night without a note tied to his leg. He had flown up with a note in the afternoon the day before. That he came back with no return note was distressing.

Moony was reading the paper in the lounge that night when I went in and asked him if he thought that it was something to worry about.

"Sirius, she's written you at least once a day for the last three and a half weeks, perhaps she doesn't have anything to say. Maybe she's hanging out with the Quidditch team, they've got a match in a few weeks and Madame Pomfrey grounded all the teams because of the wind and cold. Even warming spells aren't working to keep the chill away. Ian wrote James for advice on what to do, since the weather was affecting him. Can you imagine if he's cold what someone as tiny as Anwen is feeling? He's also worried about how to prepare for a match when he can't get his team up in the air. "

"I suppose that you're right," I glumly responded as I slouched down in Anwen's chair. Moony had learned that sitting in her favorite reading chair was a nightly ritual for me. I lost myself thinking about her letters from earlier this week. She was struggling to keep up with her Herbology project, given that the poor plants she had bred weren't doing well in the cold. She'd known that having 'every season' leeks would be a challenge, but she wasn't expecting it to be quite as difficult as it was proving. Potions was an issue as well, but more due to missing parts of the fourth and fifth year lessons. There were brews she should be familiar with and have mastered that she never learned in the first place. Lily tutored her as best as she could, but tutoring through the post was not ideal.

"You don't think that she's struggling too much with the school work, do you?" I asked aloud and Moony bent the paper down and looked at me with a sigh.

"Sirius, she's smarter than you, Prongs, Wormy and I put together. I know that she's being challenged in her coursework this year, but she loves a good challenge," he rationalized and then went back to reading.

I rubbed my forehead and my eyes. Since Anwen's abrupt departure on New Year's Day I hadn't slept more than a few hours at a shot. I put a Silencing Charm up on my room every night as I climbed into bed, knowing that the memories of my childhood would grip me and I'd awaken in a cold sweat and shaking. I now also had horrific dreams involving faceless girls who would taunt and tease us and then imagine Anwen walking away from me.

_You couldn't really blame you if she did indeed seek the company of someone less difficult, could you? Someone as innocent as she should be loved by someone honorable and less...damaged. Face it, Sirius, you're one fucked up arse. Maybe she's finally decided that you're just not worth the work._

I sighed and Moony again let the paper drop down to look at me.

"Tell me what's going through your head, Padfoot. You only make those noises when you're getting lost in your own thoughts," he asked. He had that tone where he sounded half perturbed and half worried.

"You don't think she's...I mean she'd have every right to. I'm not what she deserves..."

"Sirius, stop it. She's not having second thoughts and she's not interested in anyone else. She didn't write one day, it's not like she forgot you, she just didn't write today. Do you want to tell me what's really bothering you? I know you're awake half the night, I can see the light under your door but I can't hear anything from down the hall, so I assume you've cast charms on it."

"It's nothing I want to talk about," I pushed his inquiry aside. "I just don't sleep well."

"You never have, man."

"What do you know about it?" I suddenly felt defensive, with Moony.

"Sirius, we've been roommates for over eight years. All of us know that you don't sleep well. I suspect that if my father had been the brut yours was, I wouldn't sleep well either." I didn't realize that he'd been fully aware of how much he knew. I couldn't help but wonder if he and Prongs spoke about me behind my back.

"Look, I don't want to talk about my father. I don't want to talk about why I don't sleep. I just am worried because Anwen didn't write. She promised she would." I was bordering on whining about it.

"If you're that worried, write to her and ask her. I'm sure that you're going to get back a rather mundane answer like she was revising or going over tactical plays with the team. It might be something that you don't want to know about too, like that grouchy day she has every month..." he rebuked me and I nodded. I could hear what he was saying, but part of me was certain that something out of the ordinary was going on with her.

_It's been weeks, maybe now that she's had time to think she isn't sure you're worth the trouble. I can't really blame her there. I certainly wouldn't think I was worth the trouble. I've gotta do something to let her know I'm thinking about her and how special she is._

"Maybe I'll go and get her something and send it up. Some chocolates or pastries or something from up on Essex?" _Yeah, that's it, send her a gift. Brilliant idea. _I stood up and was headed for the mudroom off the kitchen when I heard Moony yell after me.

"She doesn't need any of that stuff. Just write to her and tell her you're concerned. Things don't mean that much to her." _Whatever, I can buy her things, I'm going to._ I went down to the shops and got her some caramels, doubting that they were as good as the ones from Honeydukes, but they'd do. I wrote a quick note telling her that I was concerned and I hoped that I'd hear from her tomorrow. Knight took the package and flew away. I felt a bit better that I'd done something to let her know I was still thinking of her.

I slept even more poorly that night, visions of Anwen moving away from me, being swallowed by swirling clouds of mist plagued me. Taunting voices rang in my ears, telling me I had no business with her lingered long after I'd awoken. I was in a surly mood by the time I went downstairs to prepare some breakfast for myself.

Not fully paying attention, I grabbed the handle of the hot iron fry pan and burned my palm. I dropped it to avoid further damage, but missed the stovetop and it went crashing to the floor, cracking three of the floor tiles and splashing the grease around the room, including up and onto my arms. I let a string of curse words leave my mouth which alerted Moony that there was something amiss downstairs.

"What the hell happened?" he growled as he came down without a shirt on.

"Picked the pan up with my bare hand," I barked back even as I was pulling my wand out. I then told him exactly what I thought of the pan, only two of the words weren't I repaired the damages to my hand and arms he set about cleaning up the mess on the floor and repairing the tiles on the floor.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" he asked without looking at me. I turned to where his voice was, and saw just how badly his back was healing from the full moon last week. There were still gashes across his back that were pink and puckered. Unfortunately the self-inflicted wounds of a werewolf did not respond to magical healing methods. All you could do was clean them and wait for them to heal. It was usually only days before the next full moon, just in time for him to re-injure himself. Reminding myself that my roommate was ripped apart and mended monthly helped to put my frustrations back into perspective.

"No. I'm really worried about Winnie. How are you feeling? Your back is still looking pretty bad."

"Same as always," he mumbled. He helped me get everything to rights and then he started some new bangers and I made some toast. He went upstairs and got dressed before we sat down to eat in the sitting room. We couldn't use the table if we'd wanted to, it was piled high with maps and books for something Dumbledore had asked us to look into.

"Look, we've got an Order meeting this afternoon, Professor Dumbledore will be there, we'll just ask him about Anwen then. I'm sure that you'll find it's nothing to be worried about," he tried to soothe me. It wasn't working. Prongs was over before ten to finish up the research we were doing for the Order and then we went to his house as Lily had prepared lunch for us all. It was finally in the gentle eyes of Lils that I found someone who shared my concern regarding Anwen.

"No, Sirius, I think you're right to be concerned, but I seriously doubt it has anything to do with you," Lily explained. "I'm more concerned that she's obsessing over school work. She's quite frustrated at how difficult she's finding Potions this year."

"Lil, you'd tell me if I had something else to be worried about, right? You wouldn't just leave me hanging here, would you?" _ You sound like a pansy, Sirius. Grow a pair!_

"Sirius, unlike you, Anwen tells people what she's feeling. Believe me if there was something for you to be worried about, she'd have told you already. I happen to know that her feelings haven't changed. She just needed some time, which you're giving her," Lily replied knowingly. I nodded in agreement and decided that perhaps Moony was right, I was making a much bigger deal over a day and half without a letter than there needed to be.

The afternoon meeting was at the Hogs Head in Hogsmeade. I didn't blame James for keeping an arm around his wife when we walked in, this place made some of the establishments that he and I had been in of late look like a supper club you'd take a lady to for cocktails.

The four of us were some of the first to arrive. Moony hit the bar while I followed James and Lils to the back. We had the information that Dumbledore had requested, and were unhappy that it meant that we'd be traveling to Romania within a month, but at least Anwen was away from all of this mess at school. Things felt like they were crumbling fast. If Voldemort gained power here in England, it appeared that several foreign Ministries would immediately join him.

We watched the door, waiting for Wormtail. None of us had heard from him in days, and I supposed that I if I hadn't been so worried about Anwen it would have struck me as strange. His whole family had acted oddly at Christmas and now he was scarce. I mentioned it to Prongs, but he didn't have any ideas. Moony suggested we visit him when we were done today, that is, if he didn't show up.

More members of the Order filed in and we conversed politely, but really not saying much. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall both arrived, which surprised me, since she usually stayed behind at the school when we meet during the day. I was even more taken aback when she made a beeline for Lily and me.

"Mr. Black, Mrs. Potter, we have a bit of a situation up at the school that I need to discuss with you," she told us as she neared and I groaned at her words and tone.

"What happened to her now?" Scenarios were flashing through my head that ranged from her having another collision on her broom to being hexed by my brother.

"Miss Hodgson is recovering nicely, but she hasn't written to either of you because her hands have been incapacitated," our former Transfiguration professor explained. "She anticipated that you'd be concerned."

"What's she recovering from?" I asked much harsher than I should have, and Lil put her hand on my forearm. I wasn't surprised when Moony made his way over to us either.

"Miss Hodgson has contracted a rather nasty case of Fledgling Feather Influenza," she explained and I could feel my jaw drop. _Feather Flu is one of those things you have when you're like three and it becomes a game to see which kid in your family sprouts more feathers. How did Winnie contract such a thing?_

"Excuse me, Professor, but I've never heard of this Fledgling Influenza. Is it dangerous?" Lily asked.

"It's a common childhood illness among wizarding kind," she explained, "the afflicted runs a high fever, has a very sore throat and laryngitis, bad headaches and they sprout feathers when the fever is at it's highest."

"Can it be fatal?" Lils looked quite worried.

"No, not usually. However, Miss Hodgson is having a rather difficult time with the feather production since she has a predisposition to feathers," the professor explained with understanding in her eyes, "she has much heavier down than she would have otherwise. She has been unable to hold a quill, which is why she hasn't written to you since she took ill."

"Is there anything she needs? Should she come home to recover?" Lily inquired. _She sounds like a mother hen. Great, making the bird jokes already, there's no way you can be doing that when you get to talk with her. She'd never forgive you._

"She doesn't want anyone seeing her, as you can well understand. Madame Pomfrey has her set up in a corner of the infirmary, partitioned off from the rest of the population. There's nothing dangerous about her, she just needs time to get better. I wouldn't send her to your house, Mrs. Potter. I'm quite certain you never had the disease either."

"Please, professor," I begged, "I know I had the flu when I was a child so she can't make me ill. Please let me go and see her." Professor McGonagall shook her head.

"She specifically said I can tell you that she's ill and that she will write when she is able, but to not let you come to see her. I'm also to say, your mates have her permission to restrain you or you'll all be stricken by her special hex when she sees you next. I am quite certain you understand what that means?" I groaned at the implication. _Hate that damned thing she does. Honestly, it makes sitting..._ I shuddered remembering the one time that she'd gotten me.

"Yes," I sank down into my stool and took a long drag of my butterbeer. Anwen was sick and I couldn't even make her feel better. The meeting started but I was barely paying attention, even when Prongs had to recount what we'd learned and what our plans were. It was while he was speaking that I got an idea. When the meeting was over, I sprung it on the guys.

"Prongs, do you have your mirror on you?"

"No, why would I have it when I knew I was going to see you?"

"If we went and got one for Winnie, do you still remember the spell? Could you make it work with ours?" He got a knowing smile on his face and nodded.

"Yeah, I know the spell. Are you sure though? She'd still have to see you and you her. I remember when I had it I had feathers growing in the strangest places. I can only imagine how a girl would feel about it," he recounted with a disgusted look on his face.

"I just need to talk with her. She can put a sheet over the mirror if she wants. I need to hear her voice, make sure she really is okay." _Great, now you're sounding desperate and needy and possessive. Total wimp man._

"Fine, if I make her a mirror she can talk with Lily too this way," he relented and we went down to _Gladrags_ to pick something out. I was glad that Lily was with us, or I would have felt like more of a pansy than I did. James was able to do the charm work on it and we used one of the birds from the post office to send it up to school. While I was writing my note to Anwen, I could hear Prongs and Moony discussing Wormtail. I hadn't realized until now that he wasn't with us. I couldn't recall if I'd seen him at the meeting or not.

I hurried home to get my mirror out and wait for Anwen to call.

She didn't.

When it got to be nine at night and I still hadn't heard from her, I tapped on the mirror with my wand and called her. I was very confused when an image of a pink blur appeared on my mirror, and I could hear Winnie's voice but not see her. "Hello, Sirius." Her voice was very quiet and lacking in affect.

"Hello little one, why can't I see you?"

"Because I have my fingers over the mirror, Sirius. I'm certain Professor McGonagall told you I didn't want to SEE you," she said tersely.

"Little one, I don't care what you look like, I was worried about you. Please let me see you."

"No! I look like a freak."

"I'm sure you don't," I pleaded with her.

"No!" She shot back. She was in a surly mood. "How's everything at home?"

"Fine. Quiet." I didn't have much to say about it.

"Why did Lily write to me and tell me she thinks you need to be on _Dreamless Sleep_ then?" _Dammit! How is it that we have I have no privacy and I don't even live with Lils?_

"It's just...you know I don't sleep well."

"You've never slept well, but Lily has never gone so far as to suggest that you need potions to sleep. Remus is very worried about you, too. He said you were so distracted at the last full moon, he nearly flipped you because you weren't paying attention to what was going on. Please, tell me the truth." I hated when she pleaded with me. I don't have the will power to deny her anything.

"Let me see you and I'll tell you about my nightmares."

"You don't play fair," she retorted.

"Never said I did."

"Please, don't laugh," she asked in a small voice and I knew that she really was worried about what I'd think of her.

"Sweetheart, I think you're beautiful no matter how you look. You're a beautiful when you're a bird too. Please, just let me see you."

"Yes, but when I'm in kestrel form, all of me looks like a bird, rather than only the odd feather sprouting out here and there. You sure you won't laugh?"

"Anwen, trust me, please." I could hear her sigh before the pink began to fade away to white. I realized that I was now looking at the sheets of her bed. "Anwen, love, let me see how bad you are. When I had them, I grew feathers out my nose. Reg had a blast with that one. I was five, he was three and he loved calling me bird beak for the rest of the summer. Let me see, love."

She was quiet for a moment, then I heard her, no louder than a whisper. "You grew them out your nose, really?"

"Swear on my father's grave."

"Doesn't really carry that much weight, Sirius. You hated your father and he hated you right back," she rebuked.

"Fine, I swear on Mrs. Potter's grave. I honestly loved her like she was my Mum."

"You must have been very silly looking," she said as the mirror pointed now at her flannel clad body. I couldn't make anything out except for the small pink flowers that decorated the nightdress.

"Silly and uncomfortable. I kept feeling like I needed to blow my nose." She laughed, just a little, but it was enough. She moved the mirror again, and I saw her face. Fine downy feathers were in her hair, on her eyelashes, her eyebrows and behind her ears. She lifted a hand and I saw why she couldn't write, her fingers were covered with more feathers. "Oh, my sweet little one." I felt horrible for her, knowing that she would face ridicule at school for getting a children's illness. _I desperately wanted to laugh, she looked hilarious. Like she was somewhere between herself and a five foot bird. Her brows had taken on a distinctive arch, like she had merged with my owl, Knight, and her coloring was the same as when she was a kestrel. Laughing at her would only make things worse. I needed to show her that I could be a supportive boyfriend: that meant not laughing and not making jokes. Loving and supportive. Remember, you're loving and supportive, not a git._

"I'm okay, Sirius. The fever broke this morning and the headaches are abating," she explained glumly.

"Did they tell you how long the feathers would stick around?" Anwen shook her head. "Are you sure you don't want to come home? Moony and I both it already."

"I'll stay here," she said with such sadness in her voice. "I can keep up with my classes this way."

"You are still beautiful, little one." She let the corners of her mouth curl up and shook her head just a little.

"That's not true, but thank you for saying it. You haven't made any jokes yet. That must be killing you."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I teased my girlfriend about being sick?" I asked her while grinning madly. _ Complete wimp._

"What kind indeed," she said quietly. "I like how that sounds, you know. I like that you think of me as your girlfriend." She bit her lip and then let it go, looking away as she blushed and I needed to laugh now at her reaction. _That's the first time that she's called herself that!_

"Nope, no jokes. They won't make you feel better and it will just make me a git." She tittered at my words, and I loved the sound it made.

"Fine then, you're getting points for being a supportive boyfriend. Now, let me do the same. Tell me about the nightmares."

"They're the same as always," I wanted to ignore it, just pay attention to her, but she was having nothing to do with that.

"That's a lie. We all know what your regular nights are like. If both Lily and Remus have written to me to tell me they're worried, then it must be bad. Sirius, tell me, please dear?"

I couldn't refuse her when she called me dear, so I told her. I unloaded all of my fears and how they played out in my dreams. She listened and said the things she normally did to dispel my worries. I felt so comforted by just hearing her voice.

"Sirius, go get ready for bed, I'll talk with you until one of us falls asleep. If you wake up tonight, you call me, and I'll be right here. I will always be here when you need me," she promised. I practically ran to the loo and magically changed and quickly did the cleansing spell on my teeth and face and was back in less than a minute. She dozed first, but I stayed on, watching her feather-covered face and hearing the gentle rhythm of her breathing.

It wasn't a nightmare free night, but it was better than I'd had in a long time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: We've made it Valentine's Day...lots of happy love for our dynamic duo? Not so much as things keep getting in their way. For anyone who hasn't read "Continuum", Nottingham is home to magical tattoo parlors, stores that sell some funky herbs and potions, risque clubs and the most famous mythical creature brothel in the UK. Just thought you should know. Thanks to everyone who is reading and for those who review. MNF**

**Chapter 7:**

**February 1979**

Anwen was kept in hospital for over a week. She'd had two relapses with her fever going back up when it had been down. Her fever rebounding meant more feathers. She was finally allowed to go back to the dorm twelve days after she got sick and then she went back to classes a few days later. I pleaded with her to come home to recover, she flatly refused. Her stubborn streak had never irritated me more than it had through this illness.

The Order was meeting more often now. Dumbledore was on the offensive, lining up international help and working to stop attacks before they'd begun. He told us that he was getting information from Voldemort's inner circle, but he wouldn't tell us who was providing it. The first Sunday of February we were summoned to Hogsmeade and told to meet in the upper room at the Three Broomsticks. We usually weren't in a place that was so public. Moony and I were discussing it as we arrived.

"I wonder if Dumbledore wants someone to take notice of our meeting, why else would he choose here rather than the Hogs Head?" Moony suggested, and I had to admit, it was a plausible idea.

"Maybe, but who do you think he wants to have take notice? Voldemort already knows the Order exists, he's got to by now. We've been on his trail for years," I answered back.

"There's got to be someone he wants to take notice, and someone who is watching what happens in Hogsmeade." We walked into the establishment, thankful to get out of the snow we were only in for a few minutes and stopped at the bar to make small talk with Rosmerta and get some mead before heading upstairs. What we found even more odd was that Mad Eye, Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall and the Longbottoms were already here, in a rather deep discussion. Odder still, the three Aurors were in their work robes. As we entered, they quickly ended whatever their conversation. Frank and Alice got up and came over to see us, leaving the older trio seated at a table.

Conversation was light and congenial as everyone arrived, but I had a bad feeling about the nature of this meeting. Prongs and I would be leaving on the fifteenth to go to Romania, and we would be returning home four or five days later. We were waiting to leave until after Valentine's Day, as Prongs couldn't be away from Lily on such an important day. While I teased him about being whipped by his wife, I was secretly glad that I would be in Great Britain that day. Even if Anwen wouldn't let me see her, I could at least converse with her and send her something special. We weren't sure about the range of the mirrors when we were on the continent.

"Where's Wormtail?" I asked Prongs and Lily.

"Haven't seen him in a week. We thought maybe he was hanging out in London with you and Moony since we're in the process of moving into the manor house," he answered and I shook my head.

"I don't think that he's been to our place since Christmas," Moony responded.

"I saw him about a week ago week ago when I had to go to Nottingham for information," I explained. "He was really jumpy and honestly it was surprising to see him there. He's never struck me as one to embrace the wilder side of the single wizard's life." I hated going to Nottingham. More than that, I hated lying to Anwen, but I couldn't let her know what I was doing; it would lead to questions I couldn't answer.

Prongs laughed aloud at the picture of Wormy in Nottingham. We'd taken him when he turned seventeen. According to the escort I'd arranged, she really didn't work much as she'd frightened him too greatly for her to ply her trade. I started to laugh at the mental image of him cowering in a corner, biting his nails, staring at the nymph not sure what to do. We definitely needed to get in touch with him and soon. I hoped that his parents were alright.

Dumbledore called the meeting to order and he immediately launched into why we were meeting in such a public place.

"Last week the Aurors broke up a meeting of several known Death Eaters and arrested them. What was disturbing was that they were planning an attack on several students at Hogwarts. These gentlemen have children at the school that they were going to use to carry out the attacks," he explained. _Well, that explains why we're meeting out in public. He wanted to make sure everyone got the word we're out in force in Hogsmeade._

Dumbledore continued, "That being said, we are asking for help in policing Hogsmeade next Saturday for the monthly trip into town. Being as close as it is to Valentine's Day, many of the thoughts of the young will be on members of the opposite sex, rather than on their surroundings." Several of us sniggered at his musings. Moony elbowed me in the ribs. I looked at him confused.

_Okay, so I would be distracted if Anwen were with me, but at least she'd be safe with me with her. Or maybe I'd just take her to the shack and ignore the rest of it._

"Additionally," he continued, "we are going to need protection coverage at the next Quidditch Match. The staff will be on lookout as normal, but any extra eyes would be most beneficial."

"Already on the duty roster in the office," Mad-Eye growled. _An Auror presence at a Quidditch match, that's something rather surprising._

The meeting continued. Prongs and I shared what we'd learned in the last week and what our plans were for our trip. Frank and Alice told us about a smuggling ring that was broken up by the Auror office. It involved the movement of large amounts of tightly regulated plant materials. Several of them were known to produce neurotoxins and given the quantities of seized materials, large numbers of people could have been made very ill with them. I was surprised to find out that the tip had come from one of the members of The Society.

Prongs and I had joined in our sixth year, just after we were both of age, at the insistence of his Mum. Mrs. Potter, or Aunt Julia as I'd known her when I was little, was quite active and wanted us to both be part of this legacy. I was shocked to find my mother was also heavily involved. It was hardly what I expected of her, especially after she'd allowed my father to throw me out, and Voldemort and his cronies were often dinner guests at Grimmauld Place.

_Don't think about them, man, you're only going to make yourself crazy. They gave up on you, not the other way around. You've got someone who loves you now, you've got friends who would die for you and you'd do the same for them. What's in the past should remain there and not be dredged up. No good will ever come from it._

I was brought out of my thoughts by the scuffing of chairs against the floor, and a realization that the meeting had ended. I'd missed a fair bit of it while I'd let my mind wander.

"Misters Black and Lupin, would you and the Potter's please remain behind, there's something that we need to discuss with you," Professor McGonagall said and I nodded. _Great, the last time she needed to speak to you it was about Winnie being sick. I wonder what's wrong this time._

The four of us took our seats again, and I was surprised when the Aurors sat down with us.

"What mess has she gotten herself into now?" I asked with a groan.

"She's in no 'mess' as you so eloquently put it, Mr. Black; but it does have something to do with Miss Hodgson, as well as several other students." The professor sat back down, as did the headmaster.

"The threat that was made was against all the Muggle-born students at the school. Someone has been researching the students, where they came from, how well they're doing in their studies, even going so far as to find out about the compositions of their wands," Professor Dumbledore explained.

"Why would they be interested in such a thing?" Lily asked, quite incensed.

"There seems to be a theory among the purebloods that Muggles are stealing wands and then taking magical power from other witches and wizards," Frank responded. We were all gobsmacked. _It suddenly made sense why they'd be interested in Winnie._

"Did they mention her by name?" I asked quietly. I was surprised when Alice reached over and took my hand in hers. I'd known her most of my life, especially since she was James' cousin.

"They did," she answered. "She's just so smart and talented and then there's this whole thing with her wand. They were going on about the creation of her wand. Claiming that it was stolen, perhaps from a grave or mausoleum, since they can't find a record of it being made in recent years."

"But, there wouldn't be a record of it," I retorted. "It had sat on the shelf at Ollivander's for the better part of two centuries. You'd have to go back to the late seventeen hundreds for information about it." Anwen had told me about the legend that went with her wand. Because the core is mermaid scale it was considered unreliable; Anwen was the first person in nearly two-hundred years who had been able to control it.

"I see she's shared with you her wand-lore," Professor Dumbledore added. "It doesn't surprise me you knew about it. I have attempted to assure others that I was present when her wand was purchased, but to no avail. They have taken the information and apparently twisted it so that it now supports their idea of her stealing powers. Only someone who was amassing others' skills could control such an uncontrollable wand."

Lily jumped to her feet. "That has to be one of the stupidest things that I've ever heard!" she yelled. "Anwen wouldn't hurt another person, even to defend herself. Claiming she's stealing powers, that's as stupid as saying that I was." The professors and Aurors looked at her with understanding in their faces. "They are, aren't they?"

"Yes," Professor McGonagall answered her. "All of our Muggle-born students of the last few years are being looked at very carefully by his followers. Because you were so gifted in your coursework...I am sorry, Lily." She sat back down and James put an arm around her.

"I'm not," she replied. "Let them think whatever they want. What I achieved at school was due to hard work and tireless revisions. I never stole anyone's magic." There was a hard resolve to her voice that was foreign, and yet, so very Lily.

"So what does this mean for Anwen?" I wanted to know how to keep her safe. None of the idiots who had been friends with my father or their pricks of sons were going to get anywhere near my girl.

"We're doing everything we can to control the intra-house rivalries, but as you are well aware, that's not very easy. The animosity between Slytherin and Gryffindor has grown exponentially in the last few years," Professor Dumbledore explained.

"Due in no small part to some of our pranks," Moony added and I suddenly felt bad that Anwen might somehow end up being mistreated because of things I'd done while at school.

"Yes, well, we can't change that now, can we?" Professor McGonagall said pointedly, which didn't help my feeling of guilt at all. "For the time being, I'd like to keep Miss Hodgson on the school grounds, in the castle if possible. Madame Pomfrey has already told her that she should remain indoors on the next Hogsmeade day, due to her recent illness."

"About that," Mad-Eye piped up, "did any other cases ever occur at the school?" _Why was he asking that?_

"None, which made Poppy even more suspicious," the Transfigurations professor confirmed.

"Something that contagious should have infected more than one student. There have to be other Muggle-born students that she encountered," Frank added.

"We caught it quickly when Anwen became sick, and we were able to quarantine her. None of her roommates are Muggle-born, and they were the only ones she was in direct contact with the day she took ill," Professor Dumbledore stated.

"Wait a minute," Moony startled us, "you don't think she was intentionally made sick, do you?"

"At this point we're not sure," Frank interjected, "but given that there were no other students who came down with the illness, we're concerned. Couple that with no one being ill before her from which she could have contracted the illness. It seems highly probable there was deliberate action behind it."

"Tell me what to do. Should we pull her out, send her to France or Spain to study? Can I move back into the tower to watch her? Someone tell me what I have to do to keep her safe!" I demanded. _No, I'd only just gotten her, realized who she really was to me, there was no way someone was going to take her from me now._

"Mr. Black, pulling her from Hogwarts is the last thing that should be done," Professor Dumbledore stated. "At least when she's in the castle, I can watch her. I need to watch her." I cocked my head and looked at him. _That's one strange way to phrase that. Maybe Anwen is right about him waiting for her to sprout a second head._

He went on to tell us about the changes in security that were taking place in the castle, and he asked me to help keep her in the castle in February. He also stated that he wanted to keep me from the castle as well, fearing that my status as a "blood traitor" to members of my own family as well as other wizarding families would be working against us in this situation. I wasn't happy about it, simply because it meant another month I wouldn't be able to be with her.

"You are more than welcome to use your charmed mirrors, however," he added at the end of his plans.

"You know about them?" I inquired.

"Mr. Black, I knew when you and Mr. Potter created the first pair back in your fourth year. I was surprised it took you as long as it did to give one to Miss Hodgson. There are few things that go on in the castle that I do not know about," he said with a cheeky smile, which made me wonder what else he knew about me.

"Oh." _Brilliant answer arse. _

"I believe that brings to an end our meeting," he concluded our time together. "Should anything further come up, I will make sure we contact you immediately. Sirius, I know she means a great deal to you," he said as he looked deeply into my eyes. "I am depending on you to do what's responsible for her, and to put her safety above all else."

"You're right, sir, there is nothing in this world that means more to me than her. You can count on me," I promised, not liking a single second of it. We watched the others file out, leaving Moony, Prongs and Lils with me.

"Do you really think they're after Anwen?" Lily asked and I shook my head at her.

"Not here, let's discuss this somewhere more private. See you at home," I told them and we all left the bar and Disapparated to London.

Anwen wasn't upset about not going into Hogsmeade the weekend before Valentine's Day. She was honest that she had no desire to have a repeat of New Year's Eve and there were still many girls I'd had encounters with at the school. She'd gotten assistance from Lily and had made sure that my favourite tea, crumpets and jam were waiting for me in the kitchen on Valentine's morning. She also had Midnight bring me a box from Honeydukes full of my favourite Raspberry Creams which she'd had her roommate Corinne buy while she was in town with her new beau over the weekend.

Midnight returned to her with a small package containing new charms for her bracelet, including a heart that said "I love you". I hadn't said the words to her since she left on New Year's Day, but it wasn't for the sentiment changing, it was simply because I didn't want her to feel pressured to respond in kind. I knew what my little one felt, I just needed to be patient.

Knight took her a larger package with a stuffed black dog inside, as well as some rosebuds I had charmed. They would change colour depending on her mood, and would bloom for months.

I had very carefully avoided ever having a girlfriend on Valentine's Day before. There were too many expectations surrounding the day, especially with girls expecting you to tell them that you loved them. I knew I'd never loved any of them, so there was no way I was going to tell them I did. I wasn't a complete louse. I figured it was better breaking up with them before hand than to deal with that emotional aftermath.

This year, I had a girlfriend and I was revelling in being able to speak with her and make her smile. The only thing that would have made it better was if I'd been able to be there with her and to kiss her sweet lips. Anwen and I spent the late morning talking on the mirrors as her dorm was empty due to the fifth years having class when she did not.

"Where are you going tomorrow?" She asked rather insistently. I'd been trying to put her off the topic of what Prongs and I were doing.

"I'm just taking a small trip with Prongs. We're headed over onto the continent to speak with someone for Dumbledore. We'll only be gone for a few days, promise," I told her, hoping it was enough.

"But you won't be back for my Quidditch match this weekend?"

"Sorry love, but I don't see how we'll be back in two days. I know Lily and Moony will be there, maybe Wormy too. You're going to have enough of a cheering section, not like you need it. You fly like a bird."

"Yes, and you're mangy enough to be a dog," she retorted. "Are you planning on ever cutting it again?"

"I like it longer, you know that."

"I'm not saying cut it all off, just give it a little shape, dear. You look like something had taken to nesting in your mop," she teased. "Even I go to the beauty shop, to make sure that my hair is healthy and even. At least I did before I knew how to charm it."

My hand went instinctually to my head. I guess it was a little unruly, but it wasn't bad. I then ran my hand down my cheek to my chin.

"I'm surprised you haven't commented on the facial hair."

"I haven't tried to kiss you with it. I'm reserving opinion until I see how badly it impedes your lips." She had her wicked little half smile on her face as she spoke.

"So, you've been thinking about kissing me?" She bit her lip and I had to fight back a groan.

"I won't lie to you. I have been remembering your kisses, and contemplating when I'll see you again, just so I can see if they're as good as I remember."

"You're quite the little minx my little one." _I really liked this flirtatious side of her. She was sweet and sexy all at the same time._

"I should be going, Sirius, it's nearly time for lunch and then I have my special lesson with Professor Dumbledore this afternoon," she told me. I didn't want her to leave just yet. I wouldn't see her for several days. Then I remembered something we'd never really discussed.

"Wait, before you go little one, what did you and McGonagall discuss when you had your career meeting with her? You wrote home that you were going to meet, but you never told me what decision you'd made." The smile faded from Anwen's face and she looked away, distracted.

"You know, we discussed several things. I've got quite a few options open to me."

"That's not much of an answer. You were talking about the law at Christmas time, is that something you're really considering?" _I would love it if she became a solicitor. Nice quiet desk job, most danger she'd face was going in front of the Wizengamot. Spend her days with her face buried in books. _

"Um, well, the law is sort of where I'm leaning, maybe?" She was being oddly evasive about this. "You know, I really do need to be going. I'll talk with you again later. Thank you for my gifts and Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart." She said it all without a breath and then she was gone.

_Okay, that was really weird. I've never known her to be that vague, well except when she was learning her Animagus spells, but that's because she was trying to keep it secret. _

_Shite, what if she is keeping what she wants to do a secret from me? What if it's something that will take her out of the country? I suppose I could go with her, but that would mean leaving Moony, Prongs, Wormy and Lils behind. I'm not so worried about Prongs and Lils, but the other two...if things got worse for Moony, if they came after him, I promised that I'd protect him with my life._

_Then there's Wormtail. He's been so strange lately. Missing meetings, twitchier than usual. I'm really worried something has happened to him or his family. It's always been a struggle for them; his father hasn't ever fully been accepted, regardless of the bloodlines of his mother. I know that Mr. Pettigrew is a pureblood, but there is that whole question of the kinds of magic his family was into before he was born. Pete needs us. How could I choose between my friends and my love?_

_What the hell are you doing, man? You don't even know what Anwen wants to do in two years. Why are you worrying about it now? Maybe by the time she's left Hogwarts this whole mess will be over and travelling with her won't be an issue. Or, perhaps I'll want her to be far away, safely tucked away in some academy in Australia or Canada._

I sighed loudly and slipped the mirror into the drawer in my bedside table and slid it closed. All of this could wait for another day, I'd much rather concentrate on Anwen's thinking about kissing me. I was definitely thinking about kissing her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

**March 1979**

"You look awful," Anwen said to me as we were talking on the mirrors. I was lying in my bed, the mirror propped up by some pillows.

"Thanks, love," I replied sarcastically. I was fairly certain I did indeed look awful. It had been a hard night on all of us. Moony was particularly restless, which made it difficult for any of us to find rest. He was convinced that someone would come and find him and haul him away. Couple that with Wormtail being late, not showing up until nearly midnight, it wasn't a good night all around.

"You know what I mean," she responded. "I've seen you look well-rested on the morning after. Today you look exhausted. I wish I was there to help make you feel better."

"Oh?" I asked cocking my eyebrow. "How exactly would you do that?" She rolled her eyes at me.

"I'd make you some tea and give you a back rub and then hold you until you fell asleep," she said in her gentle way.

"No kisses to make it better?"

"Maybe there would be kisses, but you'll never know because I'm not there." _She's gotten much freer with her coyness when we were speaking. She was definitely a natural flirt. Definitely enjoying this part of her._

"So, I'm going to see you on Saturday, right?" Anwen asked. "I know it's St. Patrick's Day, but you can go over to Dublin after I return to the castle."

"We're not going to Dublin this year," I told her. "Lils didn't have much fun last year, and we're not sure that taking Moony out into someplace so public is a good idea. We were thinking we'd just raise a pint here at home."

"But you're still going to come during the day, right? I haven't seen you in almost three months," she pouted as she spoke.

"Anwen, there is nothing that will keep me away from you. I'm as eager to see you as you are to see me," I promised her and she smiled sweetly at me.

"Good."

We both just stared at the other, with the way the mirror was propped up against the pillows, it was almost as if she were lying in bed with me. _Yeah, but if she was in bed with you, she would be wrapped up safely in your arms. Instead you're stuck in this big bed alone. Just make sure she doesn't see your chest and arms. She'll have a fit if she sees what Moony did to me last night. He was worse than usual and went after me, upending me when Wormtail finally arrived. The distraction caused me to turn my back on Moony and I ended up against the back wall of the coal room downstairs in the cellar we used for changes._ I shifted a little, trying not to wince as I did. Lily had tended to the cuts this morning, and charming the rib she was convinced was broken back together.

"You sure you're okay?" Concern had painted her beautiful face, and I hated that she was so damned perceptive.

"Of course I'm fine," I outright lied to her, "just sleepy."

"I don't know, Sirius, you're acting like there's something you're hiding."

"You're hardly one to talk, little one," I threw back at her, hoping to change the subject. "You still haven't told me what choice you've made for your career. You met with McGonagall over a month ago. Tell me what's going on, please."

Anwen started to fidget, which is something she'd stopped doing by the time she was thirteen. The only time she did it now was if she was attempting to lie. _Mental note to play poker with her sometime. She'd never be able to keep her hand a secret with as expressive as her face is._

"Sirius, I haven't made any firm plans, I've still got a year of school left."

"That's not an answer, little one. What are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything, dear." She'd figured out that I liked it when she called me dear, so when she wanted to distract me she'd use it. I wasn't going to let that work this time.

"No, you don't get to pull 'dear' out and expect me to roll over and let you scratch behind my ears. I know what you're up to now when you use that word. Anwen, you've made a choice, and I want to know what it is. It affects both of us now." She furrowed her brow at me.

"How do you figure that?" I scoffed at the question.

"Anwen, if you wanted to go on for your Master's in Transfiguration or Runic Translations I would come with you. Their academies are both outside Britain. Where your career leads, that's where we go," I told her honestly and I could see her mouth drop into a stunned expression, while the bottoms of her eyes were filling with tears. "Love, what's wrong?"

"You really think that you'd come with me? I mean, you'd give up your life here, just because of me?"

"Anwen, what exactly am I leaving behind? A small house that feels frighteningly empty when you're gone? I can still see the guys and Lils, it's not that hard to Portkey around Europe. My biggest worry would be Moony, but now that Prongs and Lil have moved into the manor house, he could live in the carriage house and be protected by the wards. I'd worry about Peter, but he's still got his Mum and Dad and the rest of the guys. You're my first and most primary concern. Anwen, I've finally got someone who cares about me in my life. I am not giving it up that easily." The tears were now rolling down her cheeks.

"Oh, Sirius," she whispered.

"Hey, hey, no crying," I tried to console her. Anwen nodded, scrunching her face up as if she could make it stop by squeezing her tear ducts closed. It took her a few minutes, but she finally had her tears stopped and her sniffles quelled. She glanced at something over the mirror and then back at me.

"I don't want to, but I need to be going. I'm meeting a few other students in the library to go over a project that we have for Potions class. It's a contest to see who can create the most interesting new potion. We're working in groups on it." It was silly that she was apologizing for going to do her schoolwork.

"You're not with any Slytherins are you?" A half-dozen scenarios where she'd end up poisoned swirled through my head when I thought about her in the Potions lab with others that were openly hostile to her.

"No, two Ravenclaws and a Hufflepuff. Professor Slughorn has enough sense not to put the Slytherins with anyone other than each other. Can you imagine if your brother and I were on the same team?" She shook her head and groaned. _I can imagine, which is what's making me worried little one. _

"Evan Rosier tried to take my wand the other day, saying something about it being unrealistic I could use it," she told me like it was nothing. I knew that it wasn't.

"Anwen, what did you do? Does Professor Dumbledore know?" My girl looked at me confused.

"No, I didn't tell the headmaster. I don't go running to him every time a Slytherin makes me upset, I'd be in his office every other day. Your brother and his friends are gits. I don't take them seriously," she explained and my fear for her safety was renewed. "Anyway, I just summoned it back and then put it away. Not a problem." My head was swirling with images of what Regulus and his Slytherin friends would do to my girl if they had the chance.

"Sirius, did you hear me?" _ Oh shite, she was still talking._

"Yes, love. Go on now, go to your group. I'll call you again tonight." I touched the mirror and her pretty face was gone from sight. I closed my eyes and rolled over, worried anew about keeping my little one safe.

"Sirius, let me check your wounds," Lils asked as I sat in their kitchen. Remus was recuperating here this month. He was in such bad shape that Lils wanted to keep him close, plying him with potions and healing charms on a regular schedule. I had come over for supper, since I really had no skills in the kitchen and I wasn't in the mood to go out and get take away.

I lifted my tee shirt and winced at the pain of moving. Lils gently moved her hands over my abdomen and back. She touched a spot on my side and I nearly jumped out of the chair from the pain.

"Sirius, this shouldn't be hurting you that much," concern laced her voice as she spoke. "I'm thinking that we need to take you to St. Mungo's to have it looked at. I'm not a healer, and if it was only a broken rib, you should be feeling better by now."

I started to shake my head. "I'm not going to hospital, Lils. What am I going to say? I bring up Moony throwing me, they're going to come looking for him and lock him up."

"Then tell them that you got into a fight," she responded in an irritated tone. "You need to have this looked at."

"What needs to be looked at?" Prongs asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Sirius' injuries. He's in too much pain for it to have been a simple break in a rib. He's being difficult about going to St. Mungo's. You need to make him go, sweetheart." _Great, that's just what I needed, Lils pulling out the sweetheart card with my best mate. He's so wrapped around her finger that he won't go against her wishes._

"You know, Padfoot, Lily is right," he agreed with her and I groaned internally. "If she thinks it's serious, it probably is. Let's just go and get it checked out."

"What if I don't want to?" I retorted. "What if I don't think there's anything wrong here? I'm just sore."

"Sirius, he threw you across the room and into a stone wall. You haven't been tossed like that since you were intentionally wrestling him in our fifth year and he heaved you into that tree. I seem to remember you staying in bed all weekend following that one. It was finally Anwen who got you to go see Madame Pomfrey," he reminded me. I shook my head at him. _That was a long time ago._

"Jamie, honey, go get your mirror. Anwen will convince him to go get it checked out," Lils suggested.

"No!" I yelped. "You can't tell her what's wrong." They both stopped and looked at me, surprised.

"Why not? Eva's upstairs with Remus and if Jamie were hurt, I'd certainly want to know. I feel confident that Anwen would want to hear about this. She'll probably even come home to see you," she suggested.

"She can't know, Lils, there's too much going on with her right now. Too many people are watching her. I don't want her someplace as public as St. Mungo's, not with all those rumours about her stealing magic..."

"Sirius, man, that's all just talk. No one is going to arrest her, not while Dumbledore is her guardian, not that there's any basis to the accusations anyway," Prongs tried to calm me. "I think Lily is right, you should call her."

_They just didn't get it, I had to keep Anwen safe, regardless of the cost to me. If I called and told her what was happening, I know she'll beg to come home. Dumbledore will let her but what if I couldn't protect her while she's there with me? Anyway, I don't want her seeing me when I'm hurt. The next time we're together, I want to be able to hold her and kiss her and make her feel as special as she is. I'm not sure I could hug her right now, much less do anything else, my side hurts too much._

"Listen," I decided a compromise was in order, "I'll let you take me to St. Mungo's, but you can't tell Anwen, okay? She doesn't need to have her attentions diverted because of me."

"I don't know, Sirius, I'd be pissed if I found out Jamie was hurt and he hadn't told me," Lily interjected.

"Then she won't find out." The situation was irritating me now. _I was going to hospital, wasn't that enough?_

"Fine, for now I won't say anything," Lils acquiesced, "but if she asks me outright, I won't lie to her."

"Okay," I grumbled. "Come on, let's get this over with." I stood, painfully, and Prongs and I went out back to Apparate to St. Mungo's.

Visits by three Healers, more magical scans than I could count and a rather burly medi-witche's brutish physical exam confirmed that I had broken several ribs, one of them puncturing my spleen. I had been bleeding into my abdomen since last night. The last Healer did several spells and gave me prescriptions for three potions I had to take twice a day for the next week.

He was an odd little fellow, stood only about four feet tall and had stark white hair that curled and twisted every which way. He wore blue and orange robes that were bright enough to seem reflective in the harsh examination lights of the trauma room.

"Now, Mr. Black, you must remain in bed for the next five days so that everything can knit itself back together," the Healer explained.

"What? I'm supposed to be in Hogsmeade on Saturday," I blurted out.

"Well, unless you're in your bed, you're not going to Hogsmeade," he told me, sort of wheezing as he spoke.

"But my girl..." I tried to protest.

"...will understand when you tell her that re-injury to your spleen could be life threatening. No Apparating, no Portkeying, no going up and down stairs. You're allowed to leave your bed to go to the loo, that's all." _For such a little guy, he's quite snippy._

"I have to go and see her!"

"Would you rather spend the next week as a guest of St. Mungo's? I can arrange that." _Snippy, stern and now getting shirty. Definitely don't like him much._

"No," I grumbled.

"He can stay with my wife and me," Prongs piped up, "we'll make sure he follows the rules and takes his potions."

"Very good," the little Healer said with a curt nod. "I'll need to see you one week from today." He then turned on his heel and left the room. The medi-witch came back and did a spell that taped my abdomen up, providing some protection and stability for my healing wounds. A special bubble protective spell was put on me before Prongs was allowed to Apparate me back to his place. He and Lils went and closed up my house, since neither Moony nor I would be there for a few days. They also picked up some clothes and my mirror.

_I'll admit it, I'm not a good patient. I wasn't enjoying spending all day in bed, regardless of who had come in and was spending time with me. I didn't like that I had to lie here and do nothing. _

I was sleeping in "my" room at the house. Aunt Julia had set it up for me when I ran away from home and it still looked exactly the same. Before that, regardless of how long I was here, I bunked in with Prongs. I was surprised that she'd kept it this way, even after I'd gotten my own place. I guess she wanted me to know I always had a home. She was as close to having a mother love me as I'd had as a kid.

I was having a horrible time keeping Anwen in the dark about my being injured. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was surly at not seeing her in Hogsmeade. Prongs and Moony stayed at the Manor with me. It was stupid, but he was blaming himself for what had happened. _I'm the one who wasn't paying attention. Everyone knows that you don't turn your back on a werewolf, even if you're a large dog that he can't bite and infect._ Watching Lily and Eva leave to go see my girl didn't help my mood at all.

I was reading _The Prophet_ about thirty minutes after they'd left when I heard a commotion downstairs in the hall. Not one minute later the door to my room swung open and Hurricane Anwen struck.

"What the hell is going through that thick head of yours? Did you actually think that I wouldn't figure out that something awful had happened when you weren't in Hogsmeade today?"

I'd seen her angry before, but this was far scarier as I couldn't do anything about it. Her eyes were flashing with displeasure across the willow green of her irises and her hands were planted on her hips. I suddenly understood the old adage about staying clear of solitary Highland elves. _In a band, they're pleasant, but when you get one alone you need to watch out. _My girl was most definitely a solitary elf right now.

"Anwen, I didn't want to worry you. Please, come and sit by me," I begged. She glared.

"I would have been more than willing if you'd told me. You didn't. Please tell me that your excuse isn't that you didn't want to worry me."

"Of course that's why I did it. You've got so much to worry about already, I didn't want you distracted by ..." She started shaking her head.

"Yeah, not going to cut it, mister. I've been worried because I knew that you were hiding something. Now, in addition to worrying about you being injured, I have to worry about my leaving Hogsmeade without permission. If I get caught I'm going to have a week of detention."

I've seen Anwen upset, but this was different. _I don't think she's angry at me for being injured, but I can't quite figure out what she is upset about._

"Winnie, love, please come and sit with me. Stay for a little while. I've missed you." Her face softened a little.

"I've missed you, too," she admitted. "If you'd told me I'm quite certain that I could have gotten permission to come here for part of today. Why didn't you tell me what happened?"

There was disappointment now scribbled all over her beautiful features, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.

"I just didn't think you needed to have it added to what you've been dealing with at school. You're getting picked on as it is..."

"Sirius, I've been picked on by the boys in Slytherin since I was a first year. I know what nasty rumours they spread about me. I ignore their flapping tongues since there's nothing to what they're saying. The girls are worse, but I have **never** given their words or actions a bit of my time. There are always going to be stupid people who say stupid things. Growing up in the Opera and Ballet taught me that," she explained. She looked away from me and suddenly my roaring, feisty elf look timid and small. "So tell me,did you not want me here?" Her voice was so quiet, I could barely hear her when she asked.

I was shocked. _How could she have thought that? Haven't I been making myself clear that I miss her, that I want her, that I love her? It was hard to keep from telling her, I didn't want to be selfish and distract her from her studies._

"Anwen, no, that isn't it at all. Of course I wanted you here. It's just that I didn't think you needed to be distracted." She started shaking her head at me.

"Sirius Black, you listen to me and listen good," _Oh, the temper is back, I can see it in her eyes. I didn't know that girls could change their moods so fast._ I was a bit rattled by her rapid-fire switches here. _It's worse than being in a duel with my whacky cousin and her deranged hubby. I have no idea where Anwen was going to go next._

"If this is going to work between us, you've got to stop attempting to shelter and protect me and be honest with me. If I'm old enough to be your girlfriend, then I'm old enough for you to treat as an equal. You can't have it both ways. Think about it and let me know how you're going to behave in the future. I'm going downstairs to speak with the guys and then Lily and Eva are going to sneak me back to Hogsmeade and we're going to do some shopping."

"Anwen, please don't go away angry."

"I'm not angry, not really. I am hurt, though," she told me, her eyes wet. "I just don't know what it is that you want, Sirius. Until you can tell me..." Then she was gone. I groaned and sank back into the pillows. _Brilliant man, you've again messed things up with her. Honestly, who knew this relationship stuff was going to be so hard? _

After Anwen blew through that Saturday I was an even worse patient. I'm fairly certain that Lily was glad when I left. She'd been sending Prongs up to me for the last two days of my stay. Her avoidance was apparent. Once back home, and able to move, my mood improved. I tried to call Anwen, but she must have put her mirror somewhere where she couldn't hear it when I called her name, as she never answered.

She wrote regularly, but her notes were short, asking for a health report and telling me that everything was fine at school. The Sunday a week after our argument was a warm, beautiful day. It gave me an idea about how to apologize to her. Late in the morning I sent both owls up to Hogwarts, each carrying a note. Knight's explained that I'd thought about it, and she was right about all of it. _ No point telling her that I thought her mood swings were scary, that wasn't going to help me here. I just needed to man up and tell her that everything she said was right. Best advice that Prongs ever gave me. Apparently he used it often when getting out of hot water with Lils._

She was right, I was still trying to protect her more than she desired or needed and I was sorry about it. Midnight's note told her to look out her window at eleven o'clock. I also contacted Professor Dumbledore by Patronus to get permission to come onto school grounds, which I was given.

I knew which lawn her room overlooked, having watched her fly in and out of her window numerous times over the years. I had stopped and bought several bouquets of flowers and took them with me. Using my prodigious charming skills, I spelled out "Forgive me" with the flowers and then had them float up so they were right outside her window. I awaited her on the lawn with a blanket and picnic basket.

At eleven she opened her window and looked down, shaking her head.

"You're crazy, you know that, don't you?" She yelled down.

"Quite, but it's all because of you," I yelled back. I lifted the basket and blanket. "Hungry?" She hesitated for a minute before she nodded.

"I'll be right down."

I'd survived our first fight as her boyfriend and successfully made up with her. I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my chest and I could breathe easily.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Here's the first part of April, Anwen and Sirius are finally in the same building at the same time. If you want to read Anwen's thoughts on what's happening in this chapter, please read Chapter 15 of Bound. Thanks for reading and reviewing, MNF**

**Chapter 9:**

**April 1979**

Things were better between Anwen and me after our little impromptu picnic, but even while she was with me, I could feel the wall that had built up between us. Anwen was hesitant with me, deftly moving away when I tried to kiss her that afternoon. I could even feel how she was hiding something from me, although I wasn't sure that I wanted to press her on what it was, fearful of what she might say. If she wanted things light and easy, then that was what I would provide.

Her birthday was only weeks away, and while Lils was working on the party, I was working on a surprise present for her.

In the fall, Anwen's parents had discovered that her littlest sister, Eira, was also magical. At not quite two years old, her accidental magic was immediately recognized by her parents from what they'd experienced with Anwen years before. Having their toddler also be a witch had given them a new understanding, and communication was now stronger between them all. Anwen had also reconnected with her other sister, Liddy, who at thirteen was in school in Bristol. She was coming to spend part of the summer with us in London and Anwen was quite excited.

I'd arranged for her parents and siblings to arrive on the train the morning of the party. They would stay through church and Easter supper the next day. Winnie had already arranged with everyone to have the holiday meal at our house. Mrs. Evans was helping by making a ham to go with the lamb that Anwen had planned, since we'd be adding another five people to our guest list. The organization for the day was a bit of a logistical nightmare, but it would make my sweet girl smile, so I was happy to do the work.

Normally the students weren't dismissed until Thursday, and family arrangements were made for their pick up and return to school. Because Anwen only had her individual lesson on Human Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall on Thursday afternoons, I was able to pick her up on Wednesday afternoon, just after her double Potions class. The sun was still fairly high in the sky and it had warmed up nicely. I leaned against the gate between Hogwarts and Hogsmeade and awaited my girl, having promised Professor Dumbledore that I'd stay off the grounds, lest I'd goad my brother into some stupid confrontation. Both he and Professor McGonagall assured me that Anwen handled Reg and the rest of the Slytherins who had been taunting her with grace and ease.

I finally spied her coming down the trail, her hair was hanging down, slightly curled and sort of bouncing when she walked. She was wearing some rather worn jeans and a pale purple ruffled blouse. Her rucksack was over her shoulder and her small train case was in her hand. I was entranced with her smile, and the luminous glow that it cast on the rest of her face. As she neared me she cocked her head to one side and looked at me puzzled.

"What?" she asked when she got close. _Damn, I've been caught staring at her. She doesn't want things too heavy, remember that Sirius, light and easy and let her take the lead._

"Nothing," I answered, hoping that I sounded nonchalant enough as I wrapped my arms around her. "You just look different. Older or something." Her little arms went around my waist and I inhaled her scent deeply as she held me. I felt her push away and kept from groaning at the loss of contact.

"I think it's my hair. I transfigured the colour and I'm trying to see how long I can hold it." Anwen tried to foist that off as an answer._ Nope, that's not it at all, Winnie. You're just stunningly beautiful and I am so deeply in love with you all I want to do is take you home, up to bed and never leave until you have to come back to school, but I won't do that, because we're moving at your pace here._

I took a lock of her hair between my fingers, revelling in the softness of it. It was like everything with my sweet little one, amazingly beautiful and perfect. "No, that's not it. It's you. You look older." _She did, she looked like a woman, not the frightened little girl that she'd once been. She was my woman, too. The only one who had ever loved me for me._

"Well, I'm nearly sixteen now," she answered coyly. _That smile of hers is not making it easy to keep from kissing her._

"Sweet sixteen and never been kissed?" I suggested, hoping that it would elicit one from her sweet lips.

"You know that isn't true," she answered with a glint in her eye and then a slap on my shoulder. _Not the response I wanted. _"Lily's been talking with you, hasn't she?" Anwen's shoulders sagged as she said it.

"Please tell me she hasn't gone overboard." I put one arm over her shoulders to comfort her, and my little one immediately slipped into my embrace, leaning her small body against me.

"I don't think so, but she is really excited. She's making us all get dressed up for the whole thing, and has been cleaning the manor all week. Driving James a little barmy, really." Anwen's shoulders slumped even more.

"Great," she sounded like it was anything but, "I'm thrilled. Come on, let's get home. I'm going to make you your favourite dinner." _ I loved when she cooked, but even more than eating it, I loved that she put the effort in. They way she did things just to make others happy, it was one of the things I loved most about her._

"Your famous sauce?" I asked and she nodded, that familiar flirty glint in her eyes. "Oh my little one, I really have missed having you at home." It came out sounding a tad more like a moan than I'd planned, but I didn't much care. I truly did miss her and I wanted her to understand just how fully her presence affected my life. I wrapped my other arm around her and took her directly to the lounge of our house.

She ran upstairs to put her things away, and I went out to the garage to tune up the bike. I wanted to take her out for a drive tonight, but the invisibility charm had been giving me problems. Moony came out after a while, told me that Anwen had run down to the bakery on Essex, but that she'd be back soon. He also told me that the house smelled delicious, since she'd left the sauce to simmer while she was gone.

While I was working I let my mind wander, thinking about all the things I wanted to show my sweet little one, things I wanted to introduce her to. _I know that she's travelled, but it was always for opera trips. I want to take her to Paris, Munich, Monaco. I want to show her the magical aspects of these cities. I bet she'd like to see Greece. I know the ancient theatres would impress her, but there's so much magical history there as well. Divination is not her thing, but I bet that the Oracles at Delphi would still impress her. Muggles think that the Oracles stopped practicing, but they just hid themselves for protection as the first wave of anti-witchcraft sentiments swept the continent. Maybe that should be our first trip? Winnie in a swiming costume, enjoying the beaches of the Mediterranean. Winnie topless in the south of France...no, not good, other people could see her._ Winnie's gentle hand on my arm pulled me from my musings.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked as her hand stroked down to the top of my hand and then back up to the edge of my tee-shirt sleeve. Goosebumps broke out on my flesh as she touched me. "You seemed a little spaced out there." I wiped my hands off on the rag I had with me, but I realized they were still grease stained. I pulled my wand from my pocket and did a quick cleansing charm. When my hands were clean I leaned back against my bike, put my hands on her waist and pulled her so that she was standing between my legs. Anwen didn't seem to mind as her hands hooked onto the belt loops of my jeans. _Bugger... I want to snog her. Right here, me sitting on my bike, letting her straddle my lap, the handlebars supporting her back...damn man, is it possible for you to be around her without getting hard?_

"I'm fine," I told her as I shifted myself a little. "I was thinking about where I'd like to take you on holiday. Things I'd like to show you. I still owe you a trip to Italy."

"We can talk about going somewhere this summer, but we'll need to work around my performance schedule," she explained. "I've already spoken to Mr. Merriweather and signed on for the summer. He selected one of the plays with me in mind. He's promised that it will be a challenge, but one that I will find exciting. I have no idea what play he's picked, but I'm honoured."

"Little one, that's great," I told her as I pulled her to me. "It's a pity that you've already made supper. I would have taken you out to celebrate." She laid her head on my chest and sort of purred. We stood there, arms wrapped around each other, just breathing in time. _I finally get what Prongs said about feeling whole when he is with Lils. I really got that with Anwen. She made me feel...like I'm home._ I kissed her neck and up to the spot behind her ear that always made her shudder with pleasure. She didn't disappoint.

"Speaking of supper, it's ready. We should get in there before it burns or Remus eats it all." She untangled herself from me, but held her hand out. I gladly took it and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"We'll finish this later?"

"Definitely." The smirk on her face let me know that the snogging embargo was almost over.

After supper I went into the kitchen and charmed the dishes clean for her. _No reason for her to stand here and wash them when I can have it done in no time. _I suggested a ride but she deftly put me off, instead telling me that she needed to talk with me. _ I felt my blood go cold. This was it, she was going to tell me that she couldn't do it, that there was just too much for her to get over to ever really be with me and her heart wasn't strong enough. _In my panic, I just started to blurt things out.

"Winnie, what's wrong? Are you sick? Did my brother do something to you?" Before I could continue on my list of over possible topics I felt her fingers on my lips.

"Sirius, shut it." That made me stop and look at her stunned. "Every thing's fine, but you've been pestering me about my plans for after Hogwarts. I thought I would let you know what I've decided. Come on, let's go sit down," she suggested and then had to force me through the door to the dining room and then on to the lounge. Moony was already seated on the couch, reading a book. Winnie pushed me down into the seat next to him and then went to sit in her chair.

"Okay, enough with the secrecy. What are you doing when you're finished at Hogwarts?" I asked her, prepared to go with her to whichever Academy she chose to get her advanced degree in. I was suspecting it would be for runic translations. Anwen took a deep breath and gave me a breathtaking smile before speaking.

"I'm becoming an Auror."

The world stopped for a heartbeat. _An Auror? What business does my little one have becoming an Auror? Look at the size of her, it wouldn't take much to break her in half. How is she supposed to duel a dark wizard? She had to be delusional. Someone had filled her head with this nonsense and I was going to put a stop to it._

"What? There's no bloody way in hell that you're becoming an Auror. You could get hurt! You could get killed! The Death Eaters will think nothing of killing you, Anwen. No, you can't do it. I won't allow it." I wasn't sure when I'd stood up, but I was looming over her.

"Sirius, please calm down," she told me tersely. "Lower your voice and sit down." I didn't budge. This wasn't happening, I wasn't going to let this happen. "Please," she said more calmly and I did. Instead of returning to the couch, I sat on the coffee table, my knees nearly touching hers. I wanted to take her hands, but I could see the fury in her face, and I didn't think it would be a good idea.

"You do realize that you can't forbid me from doing this? By the time I'll start the program, I'll be of age." _Oh, Lord, she's serious about this. She really intends to put herself at risk. I had to reason her out of this. Keep your cool man, just stay calm._

"Winnie, Aurors are the first line. They're the ones charging in. Their job is to capture the dark wizards. Why would you do that to yourself?"

"Sirius, I know that," she answered calmly, the anger easing off her and her muscles relaxing. _I wish that mine could_. "I'm doing this because I can. Look, I really have thought about this. I've considered all the options and weighed everything, and this is what makes sense. I'm going to be a target anyway. I'm a..." she hesitated and I wasn't sure if she was going to use that foul word.

"I'm a Mudblood and HE is targeting us." She surprised me, not that she used the word, but that she claimed it proudly. My shock at hearing that trash trip off her tongue had me so stunned I nearly missed the rest of what she was saying. "If I get trained, if I do become an Auror, then there's a chance I can protect others who aren't as strong as I am. Face it, I'm one bad ass witch. You know it."

"Yes, you are," I acquiesced as I took her hands in mine. "Do you have to be in the front lines?"

"Who would be better?" she asked and I didn't have an answer. "Sirius, I'll be safer than most. My lessons with McGonagall are on human transfigurations. I can completely disguise myself, plus I can change my form and fly away. It makes me safer than most in a dire situation. Furthermore, being raised as a Muggle can help me here."

"How do you figure that?" I barked and I could see her getting upset again. She pursed her lips before she started speaking.

"Sirius, I can live in the Muggle world, as a Muggle, without any problems. I can be put in to do recognizance or be someone's protection without drawing attention to myself. Additionally, Professor McGonagall has pointed out I speak an awful lot of languages. I can even be sent overseas if needed."

"Good. That's it. Let's go away, far away, somewhere you can be safe. I hear America is calm now..." _I would protect her any way I could think of._ Anwen pushed my hands away and glared at me.

"Sirius Black, that has to be the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard! When have you ever run away from a fight?"

"I will run far away if it will keep you safe. Anwen, I lo..."

"Do you hear yourself?" She cut me off. "I'm not a child, and you do not have to protect me! Get over yourself. I don't need you to care for me." Tears were forming in her eyes and she looked so upset. "I need you to respect me. I need you to support me."

_She wasn't getting this. It had nothing to do with my respecting her; it had to do with my losing her. If something happened to her, if she were taken from me, I wouldn't survive it._ Now I was angry that she couldn't see how selfish she was being.

"I can't support you when you're being stupid!"

"Oh, so now I'm a child and I'm stupid? I really must be, Sirius, I've hung around with you all these years. I don't want to be your pet anymore!" She yelled at me. _She's not my pet, she's my girlfriend who isn't acting like much of one right now. Girlfriends don't announce that they're going into a dangerous profession, they discuss it with their boyfriends first!_

Anwen was up and leaving the room and I felt frozen in my place. She said something to Moony and then made a comment about moving out before she ran up the stairs and slammed her door so hard that the pictures on the mantle rattled and fell over. I clenched my fists and unclenched them several times, attempting to get my temper under control.

"Can you believe her? Someone must be making her do this," I suggested and then turned to look at Moony, still sitting on the end of the couch. He shook his head at me.

"I asked her the same thing," he explained. "No one is, Pads, she knows exactly what she's doing. Her reasons are sound, even honourable."

"You knew about this before me?" _What the hell was going on between the two of them? Why would she confide in him when she wouldn't tell me? _

"She wrote me a note when you were laid up after the last full moon. She sent it with Eva. She expected that you'd have a bit of a melt down over her choice. Glad that you proved to be as predictable as she assumed." There was an amused tone to his voice that was pissing me off.

"You're damn calm over the whole thing."

"First, she's not my sort of girlfriend."

"She IS my girlfriend."

"Fine, but Win is just my friend. A very dear friend, but nothing more. Second, I could see this coming from miles away, Sirius. Are you really that surprised by this?" _Why did he have to choose now to let that calm, thoughtful side come out? I needed the hot-headed wolf, not the rational Remus._

"Yes!" I yelled. I watched him pull his wand and do the motions to cast a silencing spell.

"Sirius, sit down," he told me and I grumbled under my breath, but did it anyway. "Look, Anwen is a good person, in her core, she's ultimately good. You and I, we're not. We've done too much, hurt people to really be good inside. Not the way she is. Anwen is the kind of person who will do whatever it takes to ensure equality. Why do you think she's never shied away from me? She's not naive, she's not innocent, but she is good. To her, this is the right thing to do. It's just and honourable and it's what she sees as giving back to the community who embraced her when she'd always felt out of step with the one she lived in."

"Fine, she wants to do right," I admitted this much of his assessment made sense. "Why in hells name does she need to become an Auror? She's so little, she's going to get hurt. I can't do this. I can't watch her get injured or killed. I can't stand by and not know if she's..." I stopped for fear that I'd show more emotion than I wanted to. I took a deep breath and swallowed down the lump that was in my throat. "I can't imagine what I'd do if she were taken from me."

_I hated to admit that aloud, even though I bet Moony would have told me he'd figured that out weeks ago too. _I cradled my head in my hands, not sure what I was going to do about this.

"Do you hear yourself, Padfoot?" Moony asked. "Everything you said was about you. What about her?" I huffed in response to him. "I don't know if you've noticed, but she's duelled James and taken him down in no time. She's not defenceless." I growled this time, just a little, in response to his remarks.

"Look, if the two of you are going to make a go of this, you're going to have to let her be herself. Her career isn't about you, it's about her and then it's about the two of you. Get yourself together and then go up there and talk to her. I'm going up to the manor tonight, so you've got the house to yourself." With that, he got up and left.

I sat there for a long while, thinking about what it was that I really wanted, and what I was willing to do to help Anwen get what she wanted. I had to admit that it made sense for her to become an Auror, and she was right, she'd make a bad ass Auror. By the time I went upstairs she'd fallen asleep on her own bed. I desperately wanted to climb into the bed and curl myself around her, awaken her and tell her that I would support her, but I couldn't do that to her. She looked far too peaceful as she slept.

I sat there through the night, just watching her. My name slipped from between her lips, but her face was contorted as if she was going to cry as she said it. _You're pigheadedness is even disrupting her sleep._

Morning came early, the sunlight streaming through the window that was just above her bed. She'd never shut the curtains, so the first glimmers of dawn awoke her early. The way she moved her body as she stretched was perhaps the most sensuous thing I'd ever witnessed. She rolled over and saw me sitting there, staring.

"How long have you been there?" Her voice was flat, almost sad sounding.

"All night. You were asleep when I came up here, so I just watched you. You're beautiful when you sleep. Your face is so relaxed, you look like an angel." _Clearly not sleeping the night before has given me verbal diarrhoea. Shut up now man._

"Sweet talk isn't going to get you out of trouble," she answered my verboseness. "Are you going to support me or not?" _Restless sleep made her more direct. Interesting combination for sure._

"Can you listen to me first?" She nodded that she would. I took a deep breath and thought about everything that had gone through my head last night, and then started talking, hoping that I'd make sense in the end.

"Anwen, the first time I saw you on the train, the second we met, I felt this strong need to protect you. It was like something in my soul was pulling me toward you. In all the time since then, the need has only gotten stronger. When I'm not with you, it's like part of me is missing. I don't know how else to explain it. I can live with the emptiness when you're at work or class or even away at Hogwarts, because I know that you'll be back. That I'll be able to hold you again." She was watching me intently, but her face had softened and her breathing was less controlled, so I went on.

"When you were so sick, I was afraid I was going to lose you, it wasn't just that I would lose you, I would have lost me as well. If something were to happen to you, if I had to go on without you, I know I wouldn't be living anymore, I'd just be existing. I understand why you want this, believe me I get it, and you're right and your reasons are sound," my voice caught in my throat and this time I didn't stop the tears from forming. This was my precious little one, my tears were never unwelcome when I was with her. "Winnie, love, if anything happened to you...do you understand?"

Anwen was weeping and making these little noises from her throat as she slid from her bed and onto the floor with me. Her hands came up and cradled the sides of my face, her fingers sweeping the fringe away from my head.

"I will always come back to you," she promised through her ragged breaths. "I promise I will always come back." My arms went around her and I pulled her to me. Her little legs went over my thighs, her ankles hooking onto each other. I wrapped my legs around her back, although I had far more overlap than she. Her cheek was next to mine, her lips next to my ear.

"I can't live without you either." It was no louder than her exhaling her breath, but it was all I needed to hear.

I don't know how long we sat on the floor like that, neither of our bodies moving. I didn't want to let go of her, but my right leg started to fall asleep, so I shifted a little. Anwen must have sensed what was wrong as she slid her tiny frame from mine, gave me her hand and lead me to her bed. I couldn't stretch out completely on the single frame, I was too tall. We also had no choice but to be pressed up against each other, as the bed wasn't wide enough for two people. Anwen lay on her back all the way at the top of the bed and pulled my head to her chest. I wrapped one leg over her thighs, getting as comfortable as I could. She ran her fingers through my hair and hummed gently. Words weren't needed; her love for me was flowing from her fingertips. It didn't take long for her to lull me to sleep.

We awoke again much later in the morning. I could hear the sounds of the people on our street, out and about, doing whatever it was that they needed to accomplish for the day. I was perfectly happy to spend my day with my girl, lying in bed. _Yeah, but maybe we can move back to my bed, our bed, since it's far easier to stretch out in?_ My body wasn't enjoying the cramped space.

"Hi," Anwen said quietly. "Sleep well?"

"I always sleep well when you're with me." She blushed at that.

"You hungry?"

"Famished."

"There's leftover bread, I can make some tea and I bought some blackberry jam while I was out yesterday. How's that sound?"

"Perfect. May I suggest however, that we move this picnic into the other bed?" She giggled at that.

"You don't like my tiny single?"

"No, Winnie. You being tiny can sleep in this bed. It is most definitely not meant for two people."

"Fine, I'll go get our picnic and meet you in your room?'

"OUR room," I corrected her and she blushed again.

"Fine, our room," she conceded before she hopped over me and padded down the stairs. I went and used the loo, changed into some pyjama bottoms and waited for her on our bed. When she saw me, she left the food and went back to her room, returning in the red silky pyjamas she'd worn on Christmas Eve.

We fed one another jam and bread. She snuggled herself into me and we talked. We dozed again that afternoon. I awakened only when I heard Moony get home. He came upstairs, saw us lying in bed, Anwen still asleep in my arms and smiled like he had somehow predicted all of this.

"I take it things are better?" he whispered.

"Yeah, that whole talking thing, you know, telling the truth, it works."

"I believe that I'd been telling you that for months. I think I'll go stay at the manor again tonight. I'm sure Lily has more silver that needs polishing," he quipped and I looked at him strangely.

"Probably a good thing that whole silver being lethal to a werewolf thing is a myth, huh?" He snorted in response, attempting to quell his laughter.

"I guess so. Need anything?"

"Would you go down to Mr. Lucky's for me? I want..."

"Szechwan Beef, done rare and Anwen wants vegetables and rice noodles. You two always order the same thing," he finished for me. I sort of shrugged at him, as much as I could without disturbing my girl.

"There's money in the jar in the pantry," I reminded him and he nodded. _I had long ago learned that if I kept the jar stocked with plenty of gold and pound notes, he'd take what he needed and never felt like he had to tell me. I was glad I could help. I only wished I could get Winnie to take some, too._

Anwen awoke just before Remus returned with our supper. She was so embarrassed when he saw her lying in bed with me, even though we were both fully dressed. I was glad when he left.

After we ate, we both decided that getting cleaned up would be a good idea, so Anwen went to the hall loo and I used mine. She returned in a pale pink nightgown and sat down on the edge of the bed awaiting me.

"Sirius, I need to talk about something."

"Anything, love." I went and sat next to her, taking her hand.

"How do you classify what we are?"

"You're my girlfriend, I'm your boyfriend. I've considered myself such since Christmas." She smiled meekly at the terms.

"Good, at least were on the same page there," she responded without sounding happy. "The thing is, what we were talking about earlier, how we feel...we weren't discussing dating, were we?"

I had to stop and think about what she was saying, and then how to answer her. I put one hand on her cheek, brushing across it with the pad of my thumb.

"Winnie, my lovely little one," I beckoned her gaze and she rewarded me with it. "No, we weren't talking about dating earlier. There's something much deeper between us." She took in a shaky breath and I could see the concern and apprehension take over her body.

"Just because we have deeper feelings though, doesn't mean that we have to move to that part of the relationship, sweetheart. Why don't we start at the beginning, it'll be much easier for both of us? I'm pretty new at this relationship stuff, and to be honest, I don't know a whole lot about being in love with anyone either. How about if we learn together?" _ Please let that be what she wanted to hear._ I held my breath until I saw her face, mouth spread wide in a very relieved grin.

"That sounds perfect. You might be better at this relationship stuff than you think, dear." _I still love it when she calls me that._

"Only with you, my little one. Only with you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Here it is, the end of the story. Ten chapters in ten days, I'm pooped and also a little sad. As of now, this is my last FanFic. I want to dedicate my writing time to my original novel, which is nearly complete. I'm hoping it will be available for sale by the end of the calendar year. I'll definitely let everyone know when it is. Thanks to all of my readers. Thanks to my beta Arnel. Her turn around time is remarkable and I am a better writer because of her. Enjoy, our couple finally embraces their love and new relationship. MNF**

**Chapter 10:**

**Friday, 13 April, 1979**

I was awake before Anwen, and I laid there, thinking of everything we'd said the day before and how we were finally, truly together. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was as she slept it seemed to be the only time that she was ever truly at peace. I desperately wanted to see her like that when she was awake as well. Anwen was never going to have to shoulder all her responsibilities by herself again. I would bear as much of that weight as she'd let me.

My little one began to stir, stretching her sinewy body. _Oh man, the arch of her back, the way she points her toes, the taught muscles of her legs against me. If I wasn't already sporting a major boner that would have done it for me._ She stretched again and rolled so that her face was toward me. Her eyes began to flutter open and she looked up at me with unabashed happiness. I leaned down to kiss her, and got the back side of her hand instead.

"Er, why aren't you letting me kiss you?"

"Morning breath," she muttered from behind her hand. I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Anwen, we've been sharing a bed for years. I know what your breath smells like first thing in the morning. Come on, don't be getting all weird about being around me now, please?"

"Fine," she grumbled as she moved her hand. My lips moved over hers, but our kisses were still chaste. When we were done with the morning smooch, I wanted to ask her about her reluctance to really kiss me, when she did something surprising. She snuggled herself right up against me, leaving me nowhere to hide my morning erection.

"Anwen, what are you doing?" I asked as I attempted to shift around so she wouldn't feel it.

"I'm cuddling up with my boyfriend, since as much as I'd like to spend the day in bed again, we can't. I have errands I must run today." She burrowed her body into mine, and I know that I brushed right against her leg. I flinched and tried to move away. "Dear, you do know that's perfectly normal, don't you?"

"Huh?" Then it came to me what she was referring to. "How do you know it's normal?"

"I had sex education class when I was in primary school. Not to mention that we've been sleeping together," she said with a blush. "Er well, sharing a space while sleeping I mean, for years."

"Wait, you had a class about sex? How old were you?" This was shocking to me. _We had that dumb lesson with Professors Flitwick and Slughorn in our fifth year, but honestly thinking about either of them shagging is just wrong. Even that was just about charms and how to do them._

"It's not about sex the way you're thinking," she corrected me. "It's more about body parts and how they act. You know tab A into slot B. Most of it was really about why we started growing hair where it hadn't ever been before and how to keep from smelling bad."

"Tab A into slot B? I think for us it should be tab B into slot A." Anwen giggled at that one.

"No comment," she got out while she was trying to calm herself. "I know you didn't go to primary school, but didn't your father ever explain it to you?" I was quiet, glad that she wasn't looking at my face, but rather resting her head against my chest. What I had to say here wasn't easy, but I knew I needed to be honest with her.

"Not exactly love," I responded before taking a deep breath. "My father's idea of teaching me about sex was taking me to a brothel the day I turned thirteen and hiring a nymph. He hit her some, told me to do the same and then 'do the deed' as he put it."

"Oh," she answered quietly, her fingers now stroking along my arm, "but you said your first time was when you were fourteen?"

"It was, I couldn't hurt the girl...we just talked. I've become friends with her, and I'm working to buy her freedom. The only conversation that I'd ever had was with Mr. Potter when I was sixteen. Didn't have the heart to tell him he was two years too late. Except what he was talking about was loving someone, and having sex be an expression of that. I've never felt that way before."

Anwen was quiet and I thought that I might have messed things up between us again, but as usual, she surprised me. She lifted herself up and looked into my eyes in one of her 'I see your soul' moments. "Then when we get there, it will be a new experience for both of us." Her voice was no louder than a whisper but she could have just as easily be screaming on the roof about how much she loved me. She leaned down and put another quick kiss on my lips.

"Alright," she said with a huff when she was done with my mouth, "I really do need to be getting up. I have so much to do today, since apparently I'm spending tomorrow with Lily. Really, she wants to take me shopping and then for a massage and then back to her house to do my hair and make up. I can do it myself in like twenty minutes. I don't want to spend the entire day away from you, not when I have to go back to school on Monday."

"Let her have her fun, love. She really does want to do this for you."

"I think that it's just her being the new Lady Potter has gone to her head. It's not like I would have ever been presented to the Queen, even if the practice hadn't been stopped like thirty years ago," she explained with an air of scoff in her voice. "I am the daughter of a dairy farmer from Wales, nary a bit of royal blood in me."

"What are you talking about?" _The queen and royalty? Is she serious?_

"The idea of dressing me up in a white dress and having a dinner dance is patterned after the practice of presenting young women who were eligible to be married to the Queen. Since I will not have a marriage arranged for me, the entire process is a tad silly."

"I'm glad that no one is planning to arrange your marriage. I've already decided that no bloke is getting your hand except me." I could feel Anwen stiffen against me, and her eyes got wide. I wasn't sure what I'd said that was wrong, but it was obvious that there was something. "Anwen?"

"Uh, sorry. It's just, when you talk like that, I get...nervous. I'm not ready to even jokingly talk about marriage...it makes me scared." _ Stupid man, she's told you that she's uncomfortable with taking things too fast. _"Sirius, I know that you're quite sure of yourself and our relationship, but I'm still..."

"Love, stop, please," I asked her and she nodded. "I don't know what to do about your fear, except promise you that I will always be here when you need me, however you need me."

"I've never doubted that, dear. Just, take things slow, okay? At least for right now, I need this to be slow."

"Is that why you won't kiss me, really kiss me?" Anwen blushed and her lips curled upward.

"Yes," she replied. "All of this feels, my whole life in fact, feels like I have no control. Things just happen and I can't see where I'm headed or how to prepare. I'm trying, I really am, but at least if I can control how intimate we are, if I can keep us from being lost in our passions..."

"Anwen," I stopped her from rambling with my fingers over her lips, "I get it. You want your head to be in charge. That's fine for now, but at some point you're going to have to let your heart take over. It's just how it goes, love."

"I will, soon even, I'm just not there yet." She sounded so embarrassed. I needed to get her out of bed and into her day. Maybe if she felt like other things were under her control, she'd be willing to ease up on this part of her life. _If she doesn't I'm going to need to find something better than cold showers to take the edge off._

We got up and while Winnie showered I made her breakfast. She was impressed that I hadn't burned the toast. I was quite proud of myself as well, considering that I threw more bricks of charcoal out than I'd care to admit.

Our first stop was Diagon Alley and Gringotts where she deposited her signing bonus from the theatre and then removed most of it to pay for things she needed for the meal on Sunday. We stopped and purchased the few things she needed for school before heading out into Muggle London. List in hand, I followed my girl to the market, the butcher and the bakery. I carried her bags and held open doors. I even smiled at the little old ladies that looked at me appreciatively for holding the doors for them as well.

"It's not nice of you to charm them so," Anwen mockingly teased. "Their hearts might not withstand such things." I didn't need to reply, I just grinned madly at her.

We put away the parcels before she started her prep work for Easter Sunday dinner. The conversation between us was easy and light and Anwen drifted by me several times, always stopping to lightly brush her lips against mine.

Eva had us all over to her parents' house for dinner that night and Anwen told the rest of the gang her news. Prongs expressed his concern for her safety, but it wasn't hard to win him over. The girls seemed to think that it was high time for more women to work in such jobs and in the end James promised to have his cousin Alice call and tell Anwen more about what she'd be doing as a female Auror.

Eva was over just after dawn on Saturday, which I was thankful for as I needed to get Anwen out of the house so that I could go pick her family up at King's Cross. Liddy was arriving at half past ten with the rest of the Hogdsons arriving at eleven. Prongs, Moony and I were taking them out to lunch and then back to our house to get ready for the party tonight.

Anwen was reluctant to leave me, which made me exceptionally happy, but in the end Eva did pull her out of the house and off to meet Lily at the tea house on the corner. Moony and I quickly cleaned the house, even the bathrooms, so that I could show her family where she lived and how well she was doing. I had hoped to have Peter with us as well, but he'd made some lame excuse last night as to why he couldn't spend the day with his mates. _There is something very wrong going on with Wormtail. I don't know if it's a family thing or a girl thing or what, but he's acting as jumpy as…well, as jumpy as a rat in a room full of rocking chairs._

Liddy Hodgson reminded me very much of her older sister, save Anwen's brown hair was replaced by Liddy's spun gold. She recognized me before I had found her as she disembarked from the train and quickly made her way to us.

"Oh my gosh, Sirius, you look just like the pictures Anwen has sent me," she gushed. Liddy was a bundle of energy, just like my girl had been at thirteen. "Oh, and you're Mr. Potter and you're Mr. Lupin. It's a pleasure to meet you both." _Hey, why did they get Mr.'s and I just got my first name?_

"Liddy, please call me James. It's a pleasure to meet you," Prongs said as he leaned down and kissed her cheek hello.

"I'm Remus. Mr. Lupin was my father."

"Very well, then," the girl replied. "I was always taught to respect my elders." I choked down a laugh at that.

"Lid, we're not that much older than you," I reminded her.

"Well, you're all twenty, and I'm only thirteen, I'd say that's a fair bit older," she quipped back and I realized she had her sister's tongue as well.

"You, young lady, are far too much like your older sister," Moony said with appreciation in his voice. "Do you have any other bags that we need to pick up?"

"No," Liddy answered as she shook her head. "It's only one night, so besides the dress that I'm wearing tonight I just needed pyjamas. My Ma is bringing my Easter dress. Anwen will be thrilled; she's bringing one for her, too. We'll all match, Mum, Eira, Anwen and me."

"Oh," I started to laugh. "Anwen's going to hate it. Please tell me it's not pink."

"No, thankfully Eira wanted pink so Anwen got stuck with yellow."

"She'll be equally thrilled."

"What time are Ma and Da getting in?" I pulled my pocket watch out and Liddy smiled at it. _Looks like Anwen might have shared much more with her sister than I'd suspected._

"In about ten minutes," I answered. "They're coming in on platform seven, we're on nine now. I suggest we get going if we're going to be there to greet them. May I take your bag?" With that I discovered that Liddy also blushed just like her sister. She handed me her bag and James offered the girl his arm and it was obvious that she was enjoying the attention.

We got to platform seven just as the train from Cardiff was pulling in. I'd never met Mr. Hodgson, and Anwen's Ma had left a rather bitter memory from my encounters with her when my girl was so sick last summer. I hoped that this visit was better.

Liddy caught sight of her family before they saw her, and she slipped her hand from James' arm and ran to greet them. She then pulled them to us.

"Mr. Hodgson," I said before he could speak as they neared us. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Sirius Black, Anwen's boyfriend. This is my best friend, James Potter and my roommate, Remus Lupin."

Mr. Hodgson cut a burly figure. Not nearly as tall as any of us, he was sturdily built with a barrel chest. He sized me up before gripping my hand so hard that I was concerned he might break my fingers. I could feel how calloused his hands were from his years of farm work.

"Nice to meet you too, young man. All of you," he said with nods to the guys. "Anwen speaks very fondly and often of you. I would hate to see my little girl get her heart broken…" I froze, unsure of where he was going with the conversation.

"Cal, stop trying to scare the boy," Mrs. Hodgson reprimanded him. "You'll have plenty of time for that later. Hello Sirius," she said turning her attention to me. "It's a pleasure to see you for a happier occasion."

"Yes, ma'am, it is." Mr. Hodgson released my hand and I took Anwen's mother's hand and kissed the top of it.

"I can see you're still a charmer. It's no wonder Anwen's been smitten with you for all these years." Anwen's brothers began to scrapple with each other behind their mother's back. "Boys, don't make me turn around." Surprisingly, they stopped.

"Why don't we get your things and then get a caravan to take us to the house. We can drop off your things before we get a spot of lunch?" I was hopeful that this plan was a good one for them. _Truthfully man, you're hopeful that all of this goes well with them._

"Sounds like a plan. Cal, get the boys."

"I've got them Mrs. Hodgson," James said. "Wasn't all that different when I was their age. Sirius and I gave my Dad a very hard time." James took Haf by one hand and Wyn by the other.

"So, you've known Sirius a long time, then?" Anwen's father asked Prongs.

"We were seven or eight when we first met. Remus we became friends with us when we were eleven, same with our other mate, Peter. We all shared a dorm at school together."

"So you're all…uh…" he stumbled over what to call magic since we were among Muggles.

"Yes, we're all like Anwen," I answered. "I understand that little Eira is already showing signs of being like us." Mr. Hodgson lifted his toddler daughter up into his arms. She started stroking the whiskers on his face.

"Yes, she is," Mrs. Hodgson said quietly. "At least we knew what it was this time."

"Here, let me take that for you," Remus said as he reached for the large shoulder bag that Mrs. Hodgson was carrying. He then offered his arm to Liddy, who took it with another blush of her cheeks. I offered my arm to my sweet girl's mother.

We collected their cases and hired a ride. It thankfully didn't take long, and we stopped at the house briefly before heading to lunch. We returned to the house and Mrs. Hodgson put the two youngest down for naps while Mr. Hodgson cornered me in the kitchen.

"What are your intentions toward my daughter?"

"Mr. Hodgson, I love your daughter. Anwen is the most important person in the world to me and I will do everything I can to make sure that she's happy and safe."

He looked at me for a moment before he gave a curt nod of his head and then walked out. _I guess that I answered that one right._

The Portkey with the Hodgsons was interesting. Having never really been social with Muggles made me a less than effective guide. Thankfully Prongs was there, and far more helpful.

Lily and Eva had everyone waiting in the hallway when Anwen came down with her Da. I stayed off to the side, letting her see her family and giving them all a minute to greet her. I'd seen Anwen dressed up before, but the way she looked right now, it was breathtaking. The dress was nearly the same colour as her skin and it accentuated her curves. _She is definitely not a child, or a girl. That is the dress of a woman._ I could barely breathe much less move at the way she looked.

The guests were shepherded into the ballroom, leaving Anwen standing there. I knew she'd been looking for me, and when I moved to stand in front of her all I could see was her look of relief and love. I touched her arm and she sighed.

"May I escort you in?"

"Of course," she answered, slipping her hand into the crook of my arm. She commented about having her family here and gently kissed my cheek. I know I said something to her, but my mind was on how desperately I wanted to really kiss her and the million reasons why I couldn't do it right now.

Once we were seated and dinner was served, Anwen seemed distracted. I thought she might not eat a whole lot, but when she appeared to only shove her food around her plate I got worried. I took her hand under the table and gave it a squeeze.

"Winnie love, are you all right? You've hardly eaten anything."

"Er, yes, fine. Just excited." _There's something else going on here, I know it. Is she afraid to be affectionate around her parents? They know she's in love with me, that we're together. She's apparently been writing home about me for years._

"Are you cold? Your hand feels like ice." I started to take the jacket of my robes off so she could wear it, but Anwen pushed her chair back and got up instead.

"No, no, I'm fine, really. Will you excuse me, please?" Anwen bolted from the room. I stood to follow her, but instead Lily got up and waved me off. I tipped my head in understanding and sat back down. Remus got the conversation going again, asking questions about some Muggle sport or something. _How does he know so much about such a Muggle thing?_

It didn't take long for Lily to return with Anwen, and when she sat down next to me there was a difference in her body. I put my arm over the top of her chair, and she settled herself against me. I moved my chair closer and she snuggled as close as she could, given the arms on our chairs. I let my hand brush against her bare shoulders and back, my fingers tingling where they touched her.

The cake that I'd had made for her was served a while later, and I could tell that she was impressed with the chocolate and caramel concoction. I could have cared less about the dessert, it was much more interesting to watch each forkful disappear behind my love's lips and the way her tongue would remove every last morsel from her silverware.

Gifts were opened, but I couldn't tell you what Anwen received. The smouldering look in her eyes, the lingering glances made me just want to be alone with her, holding her, kissing her.

Lily arranged for dancing and Mr. Hodgson had told her about her favourite Bach piece when she was a child. She was smiling at her Da as they twirled and spun across the floor. I watched the rest of the Marauders dancing with my girl, letting her have her time with each of them, even Peter. Finally, she was done with everyone else and Remus spun her right into my arms. As she took my hand and put her other on my shoulder, a shock passed between us. She was home, I was back home.

"May I have this dance, love? I've waited all night to dance with the birthday girl."

"Of course." We began to waltz, and just like at the Yule ball, we fit perfectly together.

"I really can't thank you enough. You've made my birthday wonderful," she told me in hushed tones before she leaned in to whisper in my ear. "My family did it just right."

I turned my head just enough that our cheeks were pressed beside each other. "I told you, nothing is too much for you. I love you, Anwen Hodgson, forever."

Her breath caught and then she took an unsteady breath. "I love you too, Sirius Black, with all my heart." We stared at one another for a moment, and then I had to kiss her. I leaned down to brush my lips against hers. I was surprised when she moved her hand to the back of my head and held me against her. This was a kiss of passion. This was Anwen letting me know that she was over being careful. She was ready to dive in. I returned her passion with my own.

Finally, after months of trying, my girl was honestly, truly and finally mine.


End file.
